It is such an honor you are bestowing on me and one I richly deserve for my actual heroism.
Was there a movie called Shazam starring Sinbad? Did Sinbad move into my house and live in a nest?
Celebrate diversity and inclusiveness at your next protest by not calling Donald Trump a nasty little-hands pisspig bitch.
We might find we have more in common than we think if we just stop fighting long enough to combine our bodies into a singular organism.
Some people claim Trump's rise will bring back comedy or punk rock. Wrong! He's bringing back prog rock, baby!
I didn't order extra SJW agenda on this pizza. I didn't order this pizza either. They won't let me out and I have to review them.
You morons blew it and you're going to suffer. So you'd better learn your lesson and vote for me.
Liberals have once again used the media to attack Trump. We have the leaked script for Rogue One that exposes all of their vile lies.
Oh, man, I am cramping up right now. I can't use the wooden poop box. There has to be an elevator hidden in the back of the general store.
Angry and hopeless Trump voters take heart: there is a man who is out for justice for America.
The clowns are coming and these candidates aren't the heroes we want, or the ones we need, or even heroes, but they're what we have.
Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic follow up to "Baby Got Back" has serious unintended consequences.
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
James Cameron's plans for future Avatar movies include some information about dinosaur sex he saw on the Internet.
America's greatest ad pitch man sells the IBS pill guys from Viberzi on a diarrhea babe.
Will we continue to live in fear of the Mindfreaking or will we demand magicians break their Code?
In these tough times, America can be united over how much former congressman Joe Walsh sucks.
We clear up the BREXIT for confused Americans wondering why the global economy is collapsing this time.
Martians are wiping out Mankind and bringing equality to London with their heat ray.
It is 2016. I think it is high time that Captain America have a dog man as a boyfriend.
In a world where the rules no longer apply, one man is here to be sure a trans person isn't trying to pee near our children.
Game of Thrones has mercilessly killed off characters over the years, but these lesser characters are still waiting to meet their fate.
When celebrities die, corporations frequently fumble with how to respond on social media.
The Clintons need to stop comparing juvenile humans to super predators. It is insulting to my kind.
Trust me, when I bought these dang things Cheryl gave me an earful. But they're going to make us a mint!
Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump has walked right into another controversy and this time both the left and the right are angry with his views on Crazy Frog's penis.
I was tested by this revelation, but now my belief is stronger than ever.
See if you can spot the difference between Donald Trump's speeches and the diatribes of Dick Tracy movie villain Big Boy Caprice.
Rapper Tupac Shakur died in 1996, but recently rediscovered notebooks prove he was prophetic.
As the presidential race descends into desperation, now is the best time to seek unity and reconsider the Gentle Creature option.
A careful analysis of evidence from the Republican debate last night suggests that Doctor Ben Carson was on the debate stage.
Jared Leto's Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad film is going to be an intense character, if Jared's private encouragement to himself is anything to go on.
Anton Chekhov's famous gun rule is not being followed by some lazy screen writers for the Marvel Cinematic Universe.