What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
James Cameron's plans for future Avatar movies include some information about dinosaur sex he saw on the Internet.
America's greatest ad pitch man sells the IBS pill guys from Viberzi on a diarrhea babe.
Will we continue to live in fear of the Mindfreaking or will we demand magicians break their Code?
In these tough times, America can be united over how much former congressman Joe Walsh sucks.
We clear up the BREXIT for confused Americans wondering why the global economy is collapsing this time.
Martians are wiping out Mankind and bringing equality to London with their heat ray.
It is 2016. I think it is high time that Captain America have a dog man as a boyfriend.
In a world where the rules no longer apply, one man is here to be sure a trans person isn't trying to pee near our children.
Game of Thrones has mercilessly killed off characters over the years, but these lesser characters are still waiting to meet their fate.
When celebrities die, corporations frequently fumble with how to respond on social media.
The Clintons need to stop comparing juvenile humans to super predators. It is insulting to my kind.
Trust me, when I bought these dang things Cheryl gave me an earful. But they're going to make us a mint!
Presidential candidate Donald J. Trump has walked right into another controversy and this time both the left and the right are angry with his views on Crazy Frog's penis.
I was tested by this revelation, but now my belief is stronger than ever.
See if you can spot the difference between Donald Trump's speeches and the diatribes of Dick Tracy movie villain Big Boy Caprice.
Rapper Tupac Shakur died in 1996, but recently rediscovered notebooks prove he was prophetic.
As the presidential race descends into desperation, now is the best time to seek unity and reconsider the Gentle Creature option.
A careful analysis of evidence from the Republican debate last night suggests that Doctor Ben Carson was on the debate stage.
Jared Leto's Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad film is going to be an intense character, if Jared's private encouragement to himself is anything to go on.
Anton Chekhov's famous gun rule is not being followed by some lazy screen writers for the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
You won't believe what these annoying millennials said when they heard David Bowie had died.
Otaku Obama thanks Japan for anime and manga. Will our next president continue to hand this country over to the Japanese or will they build the dang wall?
Hopeful fans are consumed with worry about the new Star Wars movie. Allow J.J. Abrams to put those fears, and all others, to rest.
As we confront the darkness of the American zeitgeist, we should turn to a true example of tolerance: the toilet ghoulie.
With heavily armed and armored jihadis and maniacs invading our public spaces, there is only one clear path to self-defense.
Forget Target or Best Buy, if you want deals this Black Friday you can't do better than smoking massive, mind-melting quantities of DMT.
You may think apps are cool, but there is actually something way cooler going on at General Electric.
Who among the 2016 presidential candidates has the biggest flag? Who has the smallest? These are the questions that demand answers.
All I wanted was a comedy show. What I got was an attack on my child and our family.
If you're not playing fantasy football, but your friends or coworkers are in a league, you are enduring the single worst thing a human can survive: the fantasy football conversation. We're here to help.
Doctor Ben Carson, Popeye's survivor, has some advice about school shootings, terrorists on airplanes, chopping malls, and more perilous scenarios.
Sinners are an easy target and one that is already suffering in squalor. Aim higher. Punch up.
Voters are finally asking Donald Trump the hard questions and here are a few you are likely to hear at upcoming town halls.
My wife and I dwell in a simpler time, even if the foolish modern world goes on around us.
The bigotry must stop in this country. Sonic and Tails belong together and their happiness is all that matters.
The ISIS head of propaganda holds a brainstorming session with his top men to come up with new viral videos.