An EDF Squad Explains the Plot of Earth Defense Force 4.1
These are flying insects?! Why is this happening?! Did you tell your wife?!
If a Writer Freelances in the Internet, Does It Make a Resume?
One morning a widening pool of gasoline formed beneath an old car in the parking lot. My manager urged me to grab a bag of cat litter to contain the leak and minimize the chance of a fire. I sprinted away, then turned back and - in a moment of absolute sincerity - asked him which brand.
Interest Check
hey im making this thread to see if anyone would be interested in a thread about some weird things i found in a smoldering crater upon the hillside. the first thing is the book of infinite knowledge.
Board Game Article: Star Wars Armada Ship-Show (Part 6)
I bought all the ships from Star Wars Armada. It's... a lot of ships. This is my attempt to make sense of my actions.
Regular American Man
Me? I'm just a regular American man. I like to put in a full day of hard work in the Sisyphus Pod, pushing that ol' virtual boulder up the sloping sides of the grid bowl only for it to tumble down again.
Sponsored Links (Part 6)
You Won't Believe How Every MRI Technician Will Soon Be Replaced By Nine Dogs! Your Jaw Will Drop!
As Sony Stumbles, Microsoft Takes the Lead With Xbox Onesies
The most revolutionary item of gamer clothing since No Man's Tie, maybe even since Sunset Overalls.
Complete Lyrics From the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Coming Out of Their Shells Tour
Thought what fell on us was pizza / But it was ooze saying nice to meet ya
Shocking Exposé: Quadrilateral Cowboy Is NOT A Realistic Hacking Simulation
In Quadrilateral Cowboy: My body is a box. In reality: My body is a roughly human-shaped source of shame.
Our Procedurally Generated No Man’s Sky Review
Should you buy the most hyped game of the year? Our good friends at Hello Games – who definitely replied to my emails – created this review using No Man’s Sky’s actual procedural generation algorithm.
This Old House: Tommy's Emotion Fort
I'm in here and I'm not coming out. I'm not leaving here ever again.
Your Terrible Neighbor’s Schedule For The Foreseeable Future
Thursday: Shirtless yelling. "CASEY!" Ten seconds pass. "CASEY!" Is Casey a child? An animal? A playful spirit taunting a drunk buffoon? "CASEY!"
How to Make the NES Classic Worth $60
Stop the politically correct censoring and put naked ladies back in all the games. Even Excitebike. Especially Excitebike.
THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Things Michael Caine Has Seen
On Children of Men: "I did not see it. However, I have seen the thirty thousand tubs of Sour Patch Kids that it paid for. They are... sour."
If You Like Super Mario Bros., Try These Games
You just finished Super Mario Bros. on the NES. You loved it, and are on the lookout for similar games. Luckily for you, we've scoured every known database of video games for other titles you might enjoy.
Pokemon Go Casualties
Millions of people are wandering around paying more attention to the Pokemon on their phones than their surroundings. I am the very first person in the world to suggest that this blending of reality and fantasy in Pokemon Go will lead to disaster.
Sponsored Links Sponsored By Recommended Sponsors (Part 5)
Hot new gadget promises to make getting milk into a glass 8x more complicated than pouring!
Modern Video Game Website Headlines
New Star Trek Actor Anton Yelchin Dies At 27 (Game of Thrones Spoilers Within)
Meet the Xbox One S
Beautiful, extra-durable new exterior. Blow on it all you want, it probably won't dent!
Unearthed Time Capsule Reveals 2016 E3 Predictions Written in 2006!
Ten years ago I buried a capsule in my E3 hole. It's a good hole. The capsule contained two items: My predictions for E3 2016 inked upon a weathered scroll, and an iPod Mini with just one song on its drive, Ignition (remix).
I Refuse to Be Defined by the Four Ton Weight Which Is Slowly Crushing Me
As I'm out and about, the first thing people notice when they glance my way is the enormous four ton weight atop my broken body. I get it. We are, by our very nature, superficial creatures.
Board Game Article: Descent Second Edition w/ Road to Legend (Part 5)
Today I look at Descent, the new app that makes it better, and expansions like Mists of Bilehall, Labyrinth of Ruin, Lair of Vomitgulp, Manor of Dryheave, and Shadow of the Lair of Ruined Barfberg.
Sponsored Links: The Price We Pay To Ignore Feather Wallpaper (Part 4)
This collection of sponsored links is presented by the Feather Wallpaper Council.
Know Your Overwatch Skills (Part 5)
Overwatch is Blizzard's hugely successful new shooter with ten thousand characters and a hundred thousand skill icons. We'll show you what the buttons mean.
Multiple Sentence Reviews: Doom, Stellaris, Kathy Rain, Offworld Trading Company
(In a business suit, with slicked back hair, speaking into a gold-plated pager) Buy!
CoolSubBoxOpener Presents: Geek Gamer Nerd Epic Loot Chest Unboxing!
Hi guys. Uh. CoolSubBoxOpener here with, uh, a whopper of a video. Today the postman *pause* arrived with a whole bunch of boxes. Like half of my box subscriptions came in all at once today. Uh. So let's get to it!
A Tribute to the Last Decade of Movie Improv
Let's celebrate some scenes that are unforgettable, mainly because they show up in every single comedy.
Is Chess Better Than Black Desert Online?
Black Desert Online is a Korean MMO with a cash shop for pretty virtual outfits. Chess is the world's most popular strategy game, played with a physical board and pieces. But the similarities end there.
Astounding Predictions From a Certified Tech Prophet
Do you wish to know what computers will be doing in the year to come? With a sigh I shall exert the minimal effort it takes to reveal all. Feel free to print out these predictions and share them with your friends via fax.
Workplace Safety Rules
How do employees stay safe at Alien Goop Storage Facility, The House of Unstable Floors and Vases Containing Fireballs, and (INARTICULATE PANICKED SCREAM)?
Board Game Article: D&D! Castle Ravenloft + Wrath of Ashardalon (Part 4)
The game's not quite what I imagined. Instead of scouring a dungeon by torchlight, you briskly jog through it, your party members politely nodding as they power walk in the opposite direction.
Belated PC Hardware Reviews
After years of thorough testing, we're finally prepared to hand out our verdicts. Should you buy a Voodoo 2 video card, a Sound Blaster, and a Logitech Mouseman? Read on to find out.
i just wanted to pplay video game golf
I blink out of existence. Vanish like I was never there. My caddie does not react to this development. In the place where I stood mere moments ago, a fox appears. Again, no reaction from the caddie. The man's a professional through and through.
Dark Souls 3 Features the Series' Best Boss Designs
As always, the bosses in the latest Dark Souls are noble, tragic, and feature glowing double damage weak points.
Your Public Domain Comic Book Could Be Trashier
Turning a public domain character into a boob comic seems like a great plan. You don't have to come up with your own ideas or license someone else's. Potential readers see the book and think, "Hey, I've heard of that character, and I've also heard of breasts/guns/steampunk."
Stardew Valley Maximum Efficiency Maximum Fun Super Guide
Make a robot. Name him Robot. Robot is male because when you start a character it defaults to male, and clicking a button to choose another gender is a waste of valuable seconds.
Board Game Article: Eldritch Horror (Part 3)
Here's everything I know about Lovecraft: Tentacles. Racism. Paying an unfair price for uncovering dark ancient things that shouldn't be seen with human eyes, much like stumbling across SomethingAwful.com.
Rare Trading Card Checklist: Youngblood (1992)
Have you staked your reputation on owning the entire Youngblood comic book trading card set from 1992? That might have been a mistake. After all, most collectors don't know about some of these extremely rare cards. Better run your collection past this checklist.
One Question Interviews: John Carmack, Steve Gaynor, Zoe Quinn, Harvey Smith, Jason Schreier
What if you had a chance to interview some of gaming's most prominent figures, but could only ask each of them one question? You'd make that question a good question? Oh. Huh. Sort of wish I'd thought of that.
Someone Please Nuke Us Already
I welcome a cleansing rain of nuclear death. As an American, I know that the only survivors of such an attack will be myself and precisely enough attractive female celebrities to represent every hair color and ethnicity without overlap.
Unsolicited Advice for Freelance Writers
Try not to use any letters that you made up. Unless you get really lucky, they won't be on your keyboard.
Board Game Article: The Pathfinder Adventure Card Game (Part 2)
Look, frightened villagers, I'd really love to save you from these rampaging bandits. The thing is, I want to take my time and see if I can't find a magic crossbow or a gloriously armored standard bearer in your cupboard.
Actual Japanese Porn Movie Titles
A selection of real movies one might enjoy, such as: The Nickname "Professor Masturbation" Has Followed Me All The Way Through Grade School
Sponsored Links: Around the Web and Back Again (Part 3)
You won't believe which part of the picture is inside the red circle and which part is outside.
Multiple Sentence Review: Firewatch
Firewatch has exploration and all sorts of items to interact with, but it's not an open world or survival game. Traversal and Metroid-like map progression are prominent, but you're a chubby guy pushing 40 who grunts while stepping over a log.
The Classic Doom Comic, Now Starring the New Doom Guy
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
The Something Awful Reader Survey - Help Make Our Site Better!
As you know, we're continually changing Something Awful to be on the cutting edge of exactly what the internet wants. "Relevance and clicks", that's our motto. Please tell us what to do next by taking a few minutes to fill out this brief reader survey.
How to Solve the Most Difficult Puzzles in the Witness
Give the wood plank to the ogre twin on the left. He will comment, "I cannot do anything with that item". Repeat this process. On the thirtieth attempt, he will cast a magic spell on the plank, turning it into the red keycard.
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