(In a business suit, with slicked back hair, speaking into a gold-plated pager) Buy!
Hi guys. Uh. CoolSubBoxOpener here with, uh, a whopper of a video. Today the postman *pause* arrived with a whole bunch of boxes. Like half of my box subscriptions came in all at once today. Uh. So let's get to it!
Do you wish to know what computers will be doing in the year to come? With a sigh I shall exert the minimal effort it takes to reveal all. Feel free to print out these predictions and share them with your friends via fax.
The game's not quite what I imagined. Instead of scouring a dungeon by torchlight, you briskly jog through it, your party members politely nodding as they power walk in the opposite direction.
As always, the bosses in the latest Dark Souls are noble, tragic, and feature glowing double damage weak points.
Turning a public domain character into a boob comic seems like a great plan. You don't have to come up with your own ideas or license someone else's. Potential readers see the book and think, "Hey, I've heard of that character, and I've also heard of breasts/guns/steampunk."
Make a robot. Name him Robot. Robot is male because when you start a character it defaults to male, and clicking a button to choose another gender is a waste of valuable seconds.
Have you staked your reputation on owning the entire Youngblood comic book trading card set from 1992? That might have been a mistake. After all, most collectors don't know about some of these extremely rare cards. Better run your collection past this checklist.
What if you had a chance to interview some of gaming's most prominent figures, but could only ask each of them one question? You'd make that question a good question? Oh. Huh. Sort of wish I'd thought of that.
Look, frightened villagers, I'd really love to save you from these rampaging bandits. The thing is, I want to take my time and see if I can't find a magic crossbow or a gloriously armored standard bearer in your cupboard.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
As you know, we're continually changing Something Awful to be on the cutting edge of exactly what the internet wants. "Relevance and clicks", that's our motto. Please tell us what to do next by taking a few minutes to fill out this brief reader survey.
Give the wood plank to the ogre twin on the left. He will comment, "I cannot do anything with that item". Repeat this process. On the thirtieth attempt, he will cast a magic spell on the plank, turning it into the red keycard.
What is a CD-ROM? A platter that fits in the palm of your hand, made of space age polymers and reflective aluminum so thin you could lay it on a sheet of paper then lay another sheet of paper on top of it.
Nice dress. What is this, a dress convention? Idiot.
Just a little pregnant ghost for ya
TONIGHT'S EPISODE: The Real Victim Here Is Cops
Thanks to its hugely successful Kickstarter, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is coming back in a big way, and the pool of talent working on the show keeps expanding. Here are some folks who joined the production in the five minutes that passed since you last checked.
I knew it was environmental storytelling because there was a skeleton next to a thing.
Your finger is on the table. It's usually on your hand.
For some reason nerds have been arguing about the Zelda timeline for something like a decade now, if not longer. I always thought the sequence of these games was incredibly obvious. To make sure I wasn't overlooking something obvious I contacted Nintendo, and they passed along this official informative graphic.
As Downton Abbey nears the conclusion of its sixth and final season, it's the perfect time to celebrate this landmark show. With so many characters and so many tremendous changes throughout the epic storyline spanning the years 1912- 1925, it's difficult to choose a handful of favorite moments, but I've done my best.
There is no challenge in imagining how Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 could have been better, so we try to figure out how it could have possibly been worse.