Combat is relatively straightforward. You target an enemy. You wait for your men to get a targeting solution. You tell them to fire. You slam the boat into reverse and repeat your curse word of choice, realizing you've just shot a living iceberg that is going to eat you.
To start the windshield wipers I bet you have to put two fingers against the glass and swipe. This is a reference to touchscreens.
How will the sixteen hours of motion captured sex present themselves in The Witcher 3? Why did it take Eurogamer so long to see the light and ditch their scoring method and swipe our One Sentence Reviews?
A familiar silhouette steps into the outline of a too-large moon. In his trademark raspy growl, Link mutters "Sometimes I don't even know what I'm fighting for."
Most people take a hands-on approach to their lives. I prefer to observe mine from a respectful distance. From this vantage point I've noticed some worrying behavior. This might shatter the mental image that you've built up, but I'm beginning to think I might be a big dumb idiot.
A new game has mixed or only slightly positive reviews, and as an idiot you feel personally invested in its success. You decide to convince other people on the internet to buy this game. Here's how you go about doing that.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
If you live in north America or Europe, the New Nintendo 3DS (not to be confused with the Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo 2DS, Nintendo 3DS U, or Nokia N-Gage) will not come with an AC adapter. I'm pretty sure that means you won't be able to charge the internal battery unless you rub the system against a power outlet for a few days and hope for the best.
I heard you have a new baby at home. This must be such an exciting, emotional time for you. I have to ask, though, what is a baby?
Jupiter Ascending asks: What if one of the lesser Star Wars movies had the visual design of the Underworld series?
The new widescreen HD remaster of The Wire sounded like a safe bet, given series creator David Simon's close involvement with the conversion. Did you catch last weekend's marathon? Some of the changes struck me as odd, but I want to run them by you guys to make sure I'm not overreacting.
The game feature multiple twisted, sadistic shooting spree locations including: a hospital, a helpless baby and puppy storage facility, and ice world.
Technically a collection of four Halo games and their multiplayer components, The Master Chief Collection is in fact a menu that presents several buttons and submenus, each containing a fabulous array of errors and lock-ups.
The first Matrix film didn't expand my worldview. It established my worldview. The Matrix introduced concepts I had never thought about before: Reality, computers, religion, social issues.
gee, sun, thanks for life and warmth and light. you totally did it on purpose and aren't just a stupid exploding deathtrap
Gaming laptops cost thirty times as much as similarly performing desktops. You can't upgrade them because their cases are locked and only Prickly Pete has the key. They tend to be less portable than regular laptops, weighing anywhere between fifteen and eighty pounds. Buying a gaming laptop is a terrific idea.
Internet bullies have been ganging up on Assassin's Creed: Unity, claiming it's full of glitches. You might have seen a few screenshots that looked a little weird out of context.
There ain't nobody tough enough to make Stone Cold Steve Austin eat his veggies! No one in that damn locker room. No one in this whole damn arena. No on in the entire damn universe has the muscles to open my mouth and make me chew on a damn broccoli.
When one man falls down there appears to be an explosion and then he comes back invisible for a few seconds. Presumably this is going to receive a hard R rating from the ESRB.
The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
PREPARE for a voyage of electronic proportions at the speed of sound! I am Digitalario Futurebits, your humble tour guide through the newly opened World Wide Web. Your navigator of this netscape, if you will.
Over the last few weeks an outnumbered but brave group of men calmly used facts and logic to conclusively prove that women are ruining video games with their lustful object bodies. But there are other threats to everything gamers hold dear.
You should be more careful with your console. I should be more careful about approaching cybermen. We should all be happy that there are finally new games on the way.
Our fake testimonials lower customers' defenses by making your company appear reliable and desirable. How does it work? An advanced algorithm (coded and executed entirely in NewtonScript) looks for words on the internet and then it finds some names and adds those too.
We can only take so many shooters, survival games, and Dota clones. It's time for the rise of Skeleton Warrior Speed Dating.
Don't expect me to bust out a story about a positive gym experience. My sole purpose is to tell you which hellish gyms to stay away from. My head is a lump of dough. It is comprised of water, yeast, and flour.
In every game with a crowd, there is a crowd. In every crowd, there is a guy. This is that guy.
Of all the many sports with extended musical entrances involving pyrotechnics and enormous screens, professional wrestling is easily the most educational. Each installment of WWE's Monday Night Raw features informative factoid graphics which pop up during the action to expand the audience's horizons.
You might remember extreme attitudes, clumsy sexual subtext, and splatter fonts. There was a lot more going on in game magazine ads, though, and it was all dumb.