Come See Me Tonight 2

At a Glance:Come See Me Tonight 2 is a soulless retread of the previous title with a delightful quasi-religious twist. This time you're training lovely young idiots to be your shrine maidens, whatever that means. The game has above-average hentai art and almost flawless translation with a simple interface, but all that just serves to point out how there's nothing here but standard Japanese attitudes about deflowering innocent girls and hosing them down afterwards. Language: Someone really broke out the Filthy Thesaurus for this one. Sexual Content: Invisible dicks, invisible pubic hair, and invisible morality. All of them 100% uncensored and HOT HOT HOT! Available From: J-List!

"Ahhh..."Game Concept: Kensuke Tsukikage is (surprise!) a high school student who's unsure about his future. You start in a classroom where a hot teacher is introduced and quickly established as your aunt. Elapsed time to incest theme: 1.2 seconds. Then nothing happens for 900 clicks or so. After you have replaced your mouse you find out that you live in a shrine that's been in your family for generations. Your father decided not to carry on the tradition, leaving your uncle to do the job, but then he died of boredom and left your hot aunt and crazy grandfather to do the job.

Granddad deserves some special attention. The guy is like a hideous Fly telepod accident between Snidely Whiplash and Larry Flynt. Also, he's apparently psychic. And he can regurgitate acid on his foes to pre-digest his meal. Okay, I made that one up, but only because the game is so boring that my young girl's fancy turned to thoughts of mutant mayhem somewhere around click 450.

Back to the story. There's a festival or something coming up at the shrine and it's going to be televised for some reason. The shrine maiden is currently your hot teacher/aunt (man, if she was your enema nurse or a nun who enjoys rape they'd have hit some kind of horrifying pervert trifecta with the game) and she would normally perform the ritual dance. However, your grampa pimp (Grampimp?) informs you that it's up to you to choose the new shrine maiden as part of accepting the role of shrine guardian.

You go back to your room to digest this news and are disturbed by your grandfather who badgers you for porno mags and leeringly tells you that the shrine maiden is going to be your wife, and he set this all up so you could have a summer where you can choose your future wife and accept your tremendously boring but somehow incredibly lucrative career as a shrine minder. After he leaves you start to mull over your choices, but you hit the stumbling block that your uncle's widow is not a virgin anymore, and so isn't really in the running for shrine maiden. This is where psychic grampa comes to your window and tells you it's fine, by the way, if the girl you choose isn't a virgin, so it's okay if you bang them all to figure out which one you want to keep. I wish my car dealership was that accommodating...though I probably wouldn't pick the car my uncle drove for a while and then died in.

So let's meet our contestants, if we must.

Minami: Aunt
She's the tallest of the bunch, and she's a hot teacher, so Van Halen already has a theme song for her. Plus she already knows the job of shrine maiden, so that'll make things who cares?! She's got huge cans and I won't have to see blood when I fuck her the first time. On the other hand, the fact that a contraception mishap might lead to a baby that has its spine growing out of its face throws a wrench in the deal. You lose, Aunt Minami.

Nanao: Childhood Friend
She has blue hair, and huge cans. You know what? They all have huge cans, even the underage one. I'm going to stop listing that as a feature. In hentai games all of the boys look like girls and the girls have huge breasts. Maybe the male characters are just the larvae for the female characters, and one day they will emerge from their cocoon with two huge mammaries and a freshness sealed vagina. Maybe not, unless they go back to being creepy old men like grampa.

Anyway, she's been your friend forever and Kensuke mentions something about how he thinks of her as a big sister, but I'm going to ignore that since there's an actual incest option available. Nanao is the 'crazy' one, I guess. She's not quiet and proper like Japanese girls are apparently supposed to be, but that just made her seem the least creepy, so I went with her my first time through. I think that really says something about me as a man, although it might just be that I like blue. And that I hate incest. Or that I like pretend incest. I'm conflicted.

Koruri: Loaner Shrine Maiden
Koruri is a visiting delegate from some sister shrine or something. I kind of fast-clicked through her back story. She's about two feet high and is clearly 15. She's the "perfect subservient wife" option in the game. When you try to have sex with her the first time, you can't even do it because she's a god damned toddler and instead she gives your creepy little mushroom penis a tongue bath and then you coat her face with your liquid shame at being a child molester. No thanks.

Sheena: Other Childhood Friend
Apparently the writers got a little tired of coming up with back story, because Sheena is just Nanao but with red hair and actually crazy instead of just able to speak her mind without bursting into tears like Koruri or Nanao. There was a shining moment where Sheena actually took charge the first time you have sex with her and Kensuke thinks "She's not a virgin!" and I thought "Hooray! No blood!" but then it turns out she IS a virgin and bleeds and cries all over your dick. At that point (my third play-through, in a misguided attempt to get the "Harem" ending) the game reacted to my screams of anguish and threats of seppuku and crashed. I couldn't even play it anymore. Thank you, hentai game god.

Unfortunately, I did get to make it through the game twice, with both Koruri and Nanao. Once you pick your girl enough you mess around with her a little bit while the celebration draws closer. You have sex a few times before the celebration, then on the night of the celebration you have sex in the shrine before the gods or whatever, and then you have sex another two times before the game ends. It's all the standard crap, where the guy NEVER goes down on the girl and she's all ashamed to have him looking at her, and so forth. There's no rape, really, although you do gently force yourself on the girls at least once each plotline, with them resisting and then getting into it, which is more insidious.

The sex dialogue quickly runs out of options and starts to repeat itself, but there are some real gems in there along the way:

"Great pleasure spread through my body and my dick feels completely swollen."

"I hold her hips like a wild animal as I shoot my cum into her accepting love box."

"I grab my ferocious boner."

"Sticking it in deeper, I feel my shaft knocking on her uterus."

"Then I touch her pubic hair."

"AHHHH!"That last one sees half a dozen different variations during the sex scenes. It seems to be the magic button for Japanese ladies, so keep that in mind, guys. Just bottom out and she'll have a wild orgasm and then be deeply ashamed.

Difficulty: Pretty easy. So long as you always pick the same girl in the "Which girl do you like?" screen and don't be a dick to her, you'll get her in the sack. The hardest part is clicking through all that dialogue, and once you discover the "fast forward" option that literally zips through the game until you hit a choice or a sex scene, it stops being a marathon and you can complete the game inside of 15 minutes. On that note, I think the game actually broke because I tried to fast forward a sex scene. I guess that pissed it off.

Defining Moment: Well, this is my first hentai game, so it was all a tremendous shock to the system. However, there were a few high notes. The first was when the drawing of Narao on her knees suddenly changed to reflect the fact that Kensuke was penetrating her. I swear, her vagina snapped open like one of those rubber change purses that old ladies carry around. I was expecting some coins, an aspirin, and a hair covered fragment of ribbon candy to drop out. The second moment was when Kensuke finally managed to burst Koruri's hymen and after the blood and orgasm there was suddenly urine everywhere. Great. Good job, Koruri. Now I need to put paper down.

Final Thoughts: "Come See Me Tonight 2" isn't actually that offensive and it certainly has decent production values, but it's mind-numbingly boring. It may simply be a clash of cultures thing, but I don't really care about Kensuke's shrine and what goes into maintaining it. If you want to make a sex game that relies on about 50 pictures, only 20-25 of which are sex scenes, you had better have a good storyline. This stuff is about as hot as a car owner's manual.

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– Patrick "Kadath" Beh-Forrest