At a Glance:When you see a title like "Group Hypnotism Convention 3" you think you've pretty much got it all figured it out. A bunch of girls are going to be brought into a big room, "hypnotized" and then given suggestions to have sex. Maybe that is all they did in "Group Hypnotism Convention," but they have pulled out all of the madcap stops for this third installment of the blockbuster series. Naked women believe a praying monk is a giant magical penis, the gals orgasm while a man has sex with a huge pink teddy bear and when the inevitable hypnotic orgy finally takes place it is to the sounds of a live band rocking out only a couple of feet from the action. This is the Ed Sullivan Show of offbeat fetish porn.

Nation of Origin: Japantown

Languages: Japanese with plenty of Japanese text thrown all over the screen.

Sexual Content: Splayed and sprayed beneath a rich velvety coating of pixilation.

Available From: J-List.com and probably some TV station in Japan that alternates between hypnotism porn and raw footage of a guy throwing water balloons on women riding the train in Tokyo.


Hale-Bopp making the rounds again? Nope, it's a porno!Before you begin reading this review I want you to make sure that you are very comfortable and relaxed. Put on a bit of soft instrumental music, light a candle, close the blinds and listen to the sound of this article. As you relax more and more, deeper and deeper, you will find your limbs slowly growing heavier. Focus on the sound of this article. Read it carefully and let it pull you into relaxing warmth. Deeper you go. One word follows the next word. You are becoming so relaxed that your eyes are getting heavy, but don't close them because then you won't be able to read this article.

There is a helium balloon tied to your wrist. It has been given to you by a very non-threatening clown. As you relax more and more the helium balloon lifts your arm up. When it is completely lifted you will be fully in a trance state. Can you hear me? Good.

"Group Hypnotism 3," one can assume, is the third installment in a series of hypnotism-themed pornographic movies. The format is intended to resemble a TV-show about hypnosis, like when Maury used to get some hypnotist on who could make paid actors pretend that they thought they were a chicken or made out of brownies or something. In "Group Hypnotism 3" a chipper female announcer interviews a large number of women. Some of them are very attractive, some of them have weird birthmarks and more than a baker's dozen have teeth that look like the crooked slats of an old sun-beaten shack in the middle of Texarkana. I guess you'll take two Predator-faces for every hottie when your main goal is just getting 50 women willing to have sex on film in a single room.

Terrible things are going to happen to that poor bear.Following the interviews the announcer introduces us to the hypnotism squad leader (he has a couple of helpers) and they get right down to business. The first few stunts are harmless fun. He hypnotizes the women to fall asleep and the camera swoops in for a few upskirt shots, then they do things like getting them to suck on lemons thinking they're something sweet. It's not too long before they've got them orgasming when they touch each other on the hand and from there the activities become increasingly bizarre and sexual.

Strip Tease of Shame - The cruel hypnotist convinces the women that they are exotic dancers performing for an audience. The lights turn red and the women gyrate as they slowly strip out of their bra and panties. After several minutes of this the hypnotist snaps them back into sleep mode and the lights come on. The girls awake to find that they are mysteriously nude and some feign abject horror. Most of them just sit their naked and chatting to one another.

Hooray! Semen! - Since I do not speak Japanese I am not sure what the premise of this one is exactly. What happens in the movie is that the hypnotist convinces the girls that they really need to be happy about some guy ejaculating. When they bring out a masturbating man the girls gather around him and watch with intensity. Some reach their arms out and others just stare and smile. When he finally ejaculates they cheer. The only really notable part of this gag is when he does a headstand so they can all see his asshole and it's like they're gypsies looking at a crystal ball. I've heard of reading pig intestines, but a human anus? Beware the Ides of Dingleberry.

By the way, a quick note to lap dancers reading this column: toilet paper fluoresces in UV light and you need to start offering refunds if you can't wipe cleanly. I'm not paying 20 bucks to listen to Lords of Acid and stare at a constellation in your ass crack. Attack ships on fire off the Wrong End of Chastity. I watched C-section scars stretch in the dark near the main stage. All of those singles were lost in time, like meth in the girl's bathroom. Time to dance.

Wait until you find out what that extra 200 dollars was for when you checked the box next to "A" on your contract!Bearing Down - A big pink bear is brought out and the women are told to believe that they will experience whatever the bear is experiencing. The announcer woman tests this by licking the bear's face. That elicits some squeals from the hypnotized girls. Then a male porn star comes out in a robe and begins having sex with the bear. Not sort of having sex; he literally is fucking the shit out of the bear. Whatever position he puts the bear in the girls all follow suit. When he finally ejaculates all over the bear's face the girls wipe the invisible jizz from their own faces and pretending to lick it up. This stunt was an obvious failure, in my opinion. Had they really been hypnotized they would have caught it all in their mouth and then drooled into their hand like they do in every single Japanese porno ever.

The Old Switcheroo - The hypnotists convinces the girls that they must pleasure a giant pink penis statue. They throng around it in one big writhing mass of naked flesh, moaning and flopping like distressed larvae. After a couple minutes of this activity there is a loud popping sound and the penis shoots a storm of confetti out of its tip. The girls squeal with glee. The hypnotist puts them back into a sleeping trance. A monk is brought in draped in a pink blanket. The girls are awakened and told to pleasure the new penis. The praying monk is revealed, the blanket is pulled off and the girls swarm him. He continues praying as they rub his head and grind their naked bodies all over him. By the end of it he is knocked over and buried underneath a pile of naked women, still trying to pray. There is a loud popping sound and the girls all squeal. The hypnotist wakes them up and they recoil from their unwitting blasphemy.

Bringing Up Baby - Once the hypnotist has the girls regularly stripping out of their clothes he convinces several that they are the mother of a hungry baby. The baby is played by a pudgy naked older man who has razor burn on his neck so severe that it looks like he was shot with rock salt. He suckles the teets of four different women, including one who sprays milk showerhead-style out of her breast. While he is doing the lecherous nursing he coos "mama" over and over and the women do a fair job of pretending to be hypnotized. He is also masturbating the whole time, which seems like it might break the illusion, but I guess in Japan it's not unusual for babies to spray semen all over their pixilated pubic hair during breastfeeding.

The message one can take from this film is that hypnotism is evil and also not real.The Grand Finale - The big stunt of this one is getting all of the girls naked and ready for action. Once the proverbial pump is primed a platoon of naked men rushes the room and begins humping away at the gals. That would be a fitting end to something like this if it were an American hypnotism porno. The Houston Trance 500 or something. This is a Japanese hypnotism porno, so everything needs to be as surreal as possible. A punk rock band walks through the mass of humping bodies and sets up next to them. They begin playing some atonal thrasher shit and then the monk returns, knocking on a prayer bell of some sort and then kneeling to pray in the midst of the seething meat. I don't know, a bunch of people fucking probably isn't the best place to break out the prayer beads, but this guy seems to have his own thing going and I don't want to judge him too harshly. Once he's settled in the girls start molesting him as they are being molested by the other guys.

All of this happens as the band grinds through whatever awful ear-shredding shit they are playing. There are some cum shots, but not the 50-gun salute you would expect. Instead, the whole affair is wrapped up with nearly everyone still going at it. The announcer woman walks out, gives some happy-time speech and then waves to the camera.

The Horror: The baby stuff wins but the bear-fucking comes in a fairly close second. The bear-fucking was just gross. The baby stuff was gross and it was also more than a little creepy. The guy was obviously really into it and that, coupled with his medical-oddity-level razor burn, was enough to take the coveted horror title.

The Bottom Line: Baby time and bear-fucking excluded, I actually sort of liked this movie, although it was definitely not erotic. There were some beautiful women but there were so many women that the action never lingered on one for very long and the pretty women were sort of averaged out to "mediocre" by the really ugly women. You should not be watching a movie like this for erotic value, this is one you should watch for the perverse oddities. This is the kind of movie that would be perfect to throw on the TV during a big college party or something. There is always something wild, hilarious or bizarre going on and none of the stunts last long enough to really get boring. Having said that, if you do decide to turn this movie into party fodder I would suggest skipping past the interviews at the beginning. Those do go on too long and since you probably don't speak Japanese it's not worth your time. It would be awesome to get high watching naked women rub a monk, less so to get high watching women in suits getting interviewed around a table.

When I snap my fingers you will emerge from your trance feeling happy. You will be very pleased with this review and you will take a moment to look at the score and reflect on the unerring accuracy of the reviewer.

If you are an attractive woman you will find yourself sexually aroused by the accuracy of the review and you will feel compelled to send explicit photographs of yourself to me. If you are a very ugly woman you will feel compelled to send explicit photographs of yourself to Frolixo. You will attempt to find Frolixo on his world tour. You love Frolixo more than anything else. You will forget friends and family and you will chase Frolixo with thought of making him your own. When you catch Frolixo you will hobble him with a hammer and lock him in a cellar. He is yours and together you will know true happiness.

*SNAP*

Acting:- 3
Story:- 5
Depravity:- 5
Originality:- 1
Erotic Value:- 7
Overall:- 21

Each category in the rating system is based out of a possible -10 score (-10 being the worst). The overall score is based out of a possible -50 score (-50 being the worst).

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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