I'll start by apologizing to the 95% or so who probably had no clue what this update was about. I hope it wasn't a complete waste of your valuable time. Mad Money is a real show and Jim Cramer is a real guy. The show comes on CNBC three times a day. To get the full effect I suggest you watch it high. Save for some slight embellishments, the show is pretty much exactly the way I described it. A crazy bald guy sweating like a pitcher of lemonade at a 4th of July barbecue, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, yelling about money markets and dividends and other words that weren't designed to be spoken at that volume. In other words, a cross between Emeril, Matthew Lesko, and your Econ teacher in college who mumbled profanity to himself under his breath. However, the guy does seem to actually know his shit, which just makes the whole show 10 times cooler. Probably 11 times cooler if you're an actual investor.
I steal a lot of jokes from my friend Allen or as his friends call him, Albert. Remember that one about the line graph? That was his. He's really good at making jokes about different kinds of charts and graphs because he used to manage the finances of a prestigious Pennsylvania Clown College. As you can imagine, he hates pie charts. (I made that joke up.) Anyway thanks for nothing Albert! Absolutely nothing!
I don't know what else to write in this thing so here are some opinions!
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!