Peach Saliva: Fall is finally here! No more hot summer sweating into your jorts like the underside of a Christmas ham!
Asterios Kokkinos: Oh god, I'm going to be sick already.
PS: Thanks to this short, helpful guide, we can help you find more seasonally appropriate clothes to sweat into, you pig!
AK: Peach, I'm sitting right here. Why should I care about fall fashion, anyway? I still have plenty of Old Navy performance fleeces.
PS: Because Fall is nothing if not the season to dress like an asshole.
AK: Now you're speaking my language! Let's check out the hottest trends, fresh from the runway, for Fall/Winter 2016:
PS: Emulate a gravely injured looney tune. It's haute couture!
AK: I just googled "looney tunes vs. looney toons" to see if I could correct you, and you're right. It's "looney tune" and I apologize.
PS: I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, ASSHOLE.
AK: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Lowtax would get mad at me if I didn't-
PS: I AM LOLA BUNNY. FIGHT ME.
PS: The thick, hand woven knit really drives home how stupid you'll look oh my god.
AK: I like the oven mitts! I'm always losing my oven mittens.
PS: This winter is sure to be a cold one, so why not rock it in an ice cold vagina?
AK: Jesus Christ! Why is that the first place you go for everything?
PS: Because it's the first place I go for EVERYTHING.
AK: I wonder if it's too late to find another co-writer.
AK: I like this outfit because I have social anxiety. I won't be so nervous in meetings because I can't see anyone!
PS: This is the perfect ensemble for those days when you don't want to get caught jacking off on the subway.
AK: How much time are you spending doing that?!
PS: I have a shitload of time blocked out on my Google Calendar for it.
PS: It's Breast Cancer Awareness time, so everyone is obligated to wear a serious pair of comedy breasts.
AK: Honestly, put aside the photocopy of breasts and this is how I dress all the time.
PS: Even the man-dals?!
AK: You mean flip-flops?
PS: You're a fucking flip flop.
AK: I don't like conflict! Please be nice to me!
PS: Become the last thing you dropped under your couch. The ladies will love it!
AK: They made the gloves...puffy? They filled the gloves with cotton!! Now they're unusable as gloves!!
PS: Check out the hands slowly putting this guy in the crossface.
AK: The what?
PS: The crossface? It's a wrestling hold?!
AK: I get uncomfortable around conflict!!
PS: For the distinguished gentleman who loves Fallout, but wants to 'play a game' with Jigsaw.
AK: This is another great outfit! I could zip it up whenever someone made eye contact with me!
PS: Aren't you worried about getting your next caught in the zipper?!
AK: For the opportunity to be left alone? I'm willing to take that chance.
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"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.