Rich is currently having some sort of internal life-or-death struggle with some bad chicken, so I have been given the dubious task of writing a piece of garbled nonsense in his stead. I had absolutely no creative energy whatsoever tonight, however, so I asked the goons of the Fuck You and Die forum to help me come up with ideas. They weren't much help, but here are just a few of the exciting articles you could be reading right now had I listened to them:
Animal Crossing. Again.
The Xbox or possibly Soviet Russia.
RPGs without charisma scores. What's up with that?
How sad "extreme" video game magazines are. Think Gamepro.
How KISS have ruined their legacy with their reunion tour and how their fans are all stupid.
Apple's switch campaign.
Something that insults NASCAR. People love it.
Note that the above suggestions are suicide-inducingly not funny.
Rather than subject you to a lengthy discourse on any of the aforementioned subjects, I think that it would be best if I did everyone a favor and skipped to the Awful Link. Besides, I should really go check on Rich and make sure that he hasn't swallowed his own tongue or something.
Calling All Nurses!
Zack "Gust Eater" Parsons here, returning after a brief hiatus to bring you fine folks a brand new Hentai Game Review. Since we're nearly out (not completely out) of English language Hentai games, I decided to break with tradition slightly and review a Japanese language game entitled "Nurse Call".
Plot aside, what really makes Nurse Call great is the repetition. Sure, you can expect Hentai games to feature hideous repetition when it comes to gameplay, but it takes a really stellar effort to have three sex sequences that are identical save minor details like how wide one nurses legs were spread or how far misaligned her eyes were. Why this game was never translated to English at all I'll never know since they could translate one goddamn scene and then just copy and paste all of the text into the next scene.
They say the great works of literature are best read in their native language. Luckily whoever "they" are was not referring to Hentai games and certainly wasn't referring to "Nurse Call". Head on over to the Hentai Ranch and corral yourself a brand new review!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.