Welcome to my new sex advice feature on Something Awful! If you have a sex question send it in!
Dear Spokker,

There is this girl at work who I really like. The problem is that I like to poop in women's mouths and I'm not sure if she is into that. How should I approach her and get her into shit play???

- Shitfaced in Sacramento

I quit.

Susan's Sex Support

I don't understand the need for sex advice sites. What is so hard about sex? For males, you rub your dick on something or someone else and repeat until you ejaculate. For woman, you wait until you have recieved the proper compensation in the form of dinner, drinks, or money, then you open your legs and pretend you're enjoying it. Why someone would have such a hard time with sex that they have to ask Susan for advice is beyond me.

As a special treat this week I will spare you from my dumb comments. I felt that small blue squares would be funnier.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.