What do you get when you cross "Gladiator" with a trip to the container store? Actium goddamn Maximus!
A lunatic kidnaps two girls and drags them into the wilderness. Is he going to kill them, or is he just trying to waste their time?
A bunch of students try to find a dead pirate's gold, despite knowing full well that his ghost will kill them. Yeah, they're not the sharpest bunch.
As if "Alien vs. Predator" wasn't bad enough, someone had to go and make it worse.
A serial killer is on the loose, and the only ones who can stop him are people who have absolutely no business trying to catch a serial killer.
You'd think college students would know by now, if they spend the night in a secluded house, they're all going to die. And yet, here we are.
Three hitmen search for a pornstar who has stolen a terrorist's secret plans. But they don't know that she's really a vengeful angel in disguise! It's okay, though, it won't affect them in any way.
Did you know that Santa is the Antichrist? Or that he can breathe fire? Sounds like you need to do some reading, my ignorant friend.
Enter a house of unrelenting horror! Oh, and while you're there, if you could ask everyone to start making sense, that would be great.
When zombies threaten to ruin Spring Break, it's up to three young men to... also ruin Spring Break...
Finally, a movie that answers the age-old question: what if Hannibal Lecter was fat, bald, and instead of eating people he made baskets?
Copyright ©2013 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.