What do you get when you cross "Gladiator" with a trip to the container store? Actium goddamn Maximus!
A lunatic kidnaps two girls and drags them into the wilderness. Is he going to kill them, or is he just trying to waste their time?
A bunch of students try to find a dead pirate's gold, despite knowing full well that his ghost will kill them. Yeah, they're not the sharpest bunch.
As if "Alien vs. Predator" wasn't bad enough, someone had to go and make it worse.
A serial killer is on the loose, and the only ones who can stop him are people who have absolutely no business trying to catch a serial killer.
You'd think college students would know by now, if they spend the night in a secluded house, they're all going to die. And yet, here we are.
Three hitmen search for a pornstar who has stolen a terrorist's secret plans. But they don't know that she's really a vengeful angel in disguise! It's okay, though, it won't affect them in any way.
Did you know that Santa is the Antichrist? Or that he can breathe fire? Sounds like you need to do some reading, my ignorant friend.
Enter a house of unrelenting horror! Oh, and while you're there, if you could ask everyone to start making sense, that would be great.
When zombies threaten to ruin Spring Break, it's up to three young men to... also ruin Spring Break...
Finally, a movie that answers the age-old question: what if Hannibal Lecter was fat, bald, and instead of eating people he made baskets?
Finally, proof that terrible revenge movies are not a strictly American phenomenon. Thanks for the ego boost, England!
America's most beloved alleged parent killer is back, and she's looking for revenge for... something.
It's like "Sex, Lies, and Videotape," except the videotape is actually a performance-enhancing microchip.
A son searches for his father. A father searches for a way to get rid of his annoying son. All this and more in the final installment of the Bowman Trilogy!
You'll never look at rooftops, fat guys, suicide, or denim the same way again!
Just when you thought it was safe to be alone with a massive, psychotic personal trainer in an unfamiliar gym in the middle of the night...
Two secret agencies fight for control of... something... I think...
Imagine the world's worst survival horror video game. Then take away all interactivity. Then take away the horror. And the survival.
It's man versus angel versus demon versus spirit versus crazy nurse in an all-out battle for... well, let's go with souls. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Killing their casual acquaintance was their first mistake. Being in this movie will be their last.
He's a plastic surgeon on death row for killing male prostitutes. She's a special investigative reporter with a heart of gold. They just could be a match made in gay, gay heaven.
Guns! Knives! Laundry detergent! These, and other dangers await inside the "Sickness House!" Oh, and also there's a sickness of some kind.
If you move into a murder house, you'd think you could expect to get murdered, right? Wrong! Read the review that turns murder on its ear!
A hopelessly dull woman wages war against the undead - but is she crazy? Or just annoying?
With a name like "Alien Blood," how can you go wrong? The answers may astound you!
A young girl must survive being trapped in a house with a murderous cyborg, a plate-throwing midget, a senile old woman, and a huge-headed freak of nature who just wants to cuddle. Can she make it out and avenge her family? Does it matter?
Killer robots, snake demons, and more fake breasts than Anna Nicole Smith's autopsy!
Do you like zombies? Do you like electricity? Do you like yourself? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, stay away from this movie.
A hairy old man gets stomped on by women in high heels for ninety minutes. Find out why!
Copyright ©2013 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.