GAME AMAZON, submitted by Me. Welcome to a gaming website run by a mildly retarded kid named "Paulos." As if that wasn't enough to make you secretly want his bandwidth destroyed, the site design would lead you to believe he invented a way to create digital rectal leak in HTML form. Check out sections like "THE CASTLE OF RPG'S" for the most colon-emptying visuals ever spat onto the internet. And don't forget his prized Golden Axe section in which he pretends somebody gives half a crap about his lonely awards show:
GILIUS THUNDERHEAD'S AWARD: Hello my dear visitors. I have had a long delay in updating due to the fact that I have been looking for the right things to upgrade and add to my dear Golden Axe site. Other than that, my main objective now is to work on other game pages to add on! Enjoy the Golden Axe page, and vote on the poll! :) I have noticed Gilius is the favorite by the way... He is really throwing off the competition! I award Gilius Thunderhead as the favorite of Golden Axe!
Translation: The only friends Paulos has is a 24-pixel dwarf in a Sega game and will spend his prom night making Play-Doh statuettes for the female wizard in Gauntlet. PAULOS IS ABOUT TO DIE, NEEDS TALENT BADLY!
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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