If this column were some sort of blog, and I had to add tags to all my posts, I'd really only need five or six: porn, crazy politics, animated GIF, embedded audio, bad art, conspiracy theories. Every so often, I get a site that falls into a bunch of those categories, like marcrubin.com. Here, you can find plenty of really, really bad artwork, including a gigantic 9/11 painting that linker "Jamie" assures me is pretty fucking similar to the end of the first Harry Potter book.
Marc Rubin also skews pretty far to the right. He hates Muslims, liberals, and apparently my ears because holy fuck there's embedded audio everywhere. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to believe in conspiracies, so while some of his pages look like schizophrenic ramblings (multicolored fonts, fire GIFs everywhere), they're actually just badly designed musings on art. Incidentally, the guy is a fairly accomplished artist (at least in terms of the amount he has produced), which is why I cannot understand why he thinks any of these color schemes are appropriate for anything.
There's one thing Marc has that a lot of the sites I look at here don't have, and that's Flash. Everywhere. I don't mean stupid little Flash menus and stuff, though, rest assured, those are there, too. I mean dude has fucking Flash movies. Like all over the place. The most notable is the "Not So Grimm Tale of Hairmerica," which apparently was well-loved by the people over at breitbart.com. Whether that's a worse indictment of their politics or their taste, I'll leave to the reader to decide, because I seriously couldn't sit through more than two minutes of the (I swear to God) EIGHTEEN-MINUTE- LONG MOVIE.
I should also say this - I don't think I've ever before seen animated GIFs in a Flash movie, but it's an almost hypnotic thing to try to keep track of all the different animations going at once. Keep an eye out for the friendly sliding bear!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.