There are no work-safe images on the site, so I guess I'll just have to use this logo that looks like it's made out of lobsters.
Hooray! Awful Link of the Day returns to one of its many mainstays - weird animal-themed porn! This time, it's SirJeff's Ponygirls, a (NWS!) Web site that's seriously intimidating, even at its "Warning! This is porn!" screen. I've been to a number of porn sites (for the sake of this column, of course), but this is the first that stipulated "You are not, nor have ever been employed by a law enforcement agency" as a term of use. Here's hoping I don't end up hearing from someone who is currently employed by a law-enforcement agency because I stumbled into this equine Hades.
SirJeff's proper site greets you with a particularly festive image of Santa whipping a fleet of twelve reindeer ladies. (Underneath, by the way, is a similar picture, but this one uses World of Warcraft characters, which is weird. er.) Apparently the whole "ponygirl" thing is about getting ladies naked and making them wear reins and bridles and shit like you would do with a horse, and then you make them pull carts and eat from troughs or just get fucked. I dunno.
SirJeff offers a lot of basic features like erotic lit ('bawdy' haikus and limericks), drawings (and 'picture stories'), and links to other sites for when this one just doesn't have what you're looking for (Gerard Titsman, "very artistic"). But perhaps the most intriguing (and man, do I use that word loosely) section is the 'Real PonyLife' gallery of 100 or so different actual, grown women (most of whom look to be in their thirties, at least). I'm not trying to knock anyone's fetishes (well, I am), but man, I can't believe there are that many people who are so into this that they're willing to put their faces on the Internet and basically say to the world "yes, please treat me like a horse, that really arouses me."
Christ, some of these people have custom hooves and horseshoes made for them.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.