Albatross18 - Anime Girls and Golf
I became tired of the wait, so I entered my e-mail yet again. Once more the shield bozo claimed they received it and sent a response back to me, possibly via the Pony Express. I was growing weary of him at this point in time; he looked angry, but with no one around to be angry at. Then it dawned on me: he was angry at me. It became clear that this man was deflecting my requests with his golfing shields of email blocking. I couldn't help but feel betrayed that the sheep girl did not warn me about this menace preventing me from enjoying some multiplayer online anime golf. Looking back, I guess it was not her fault; she was simply trying to protect her mother, forced to be a pawn in the shield guy's vile scheme.
My electronic attacks on his defenses were relentless. For every time he blocked, two more requests were already on the way. Eventually he fell, exhausted and defeated. I ended his pain with a second e-mail account, and the activation e-mail was finally mine. I assume I gained some amount of experience points during this.
Once you've downloaded and installed the game, it asks you to log in. But there is another exciting button on the login screen, one asking if you're a new player and if you would like to make an account. I don't know why this button is there, since you need to be logged into their site with your account simply to download their crummy game. I assume they put it there as one last "fuck you" to the people who struggled through their site and obtained the client. There's nothing you can do, just accept it like the online anime golf bitch you are and pound in your login information once again.
Next comes character creation. You can't pick your gender from this menu, as it decides what you are by the sex you chose during account creation. This results in Albatross18's remarkable achievement of being the only game with a higher female to male player ratio in the history of the internet. As far as customization goes, you can change both your hair color and your shirt color! Don't let this fool you though, since some of the colors are exactly the same as others. Clothes color 1 and Shirt Color 1 are both examples of this, sharing the exact same beautiful blue shirt and stunning white shorts. Once you've accepted the fact that no matter what color combination you pick you'll still end up looking exactly like hundreds of other people, you can move on to the exciting tutorial.
The controls are simple. Smash a button when the bar reaches full power, then smash the button again when the bar passes a box on the way back. Like everything else from Asia, your golfer houses incredible magic inner strength that requires charging up. The more balls you hit, the more your power bar grows. When it is 1/3 of the way full, you can "power up" and knock the ball an additional whopping 10 yards! After watching people repeatedly use this feature, I can confidently declare it absolutely never works, and balls hit while powered up usually end up right next to balls hit in normal mode. The only useful thing I've seen from using the power swing is when your character transforms it into a tomahawk cruise missile. It's very flashy and explodes upon contact, but all it ultimately does is make sure your ball doesn't roll anywhere once it lands on the ground. You can additionally try to add spin to your ball, but like everything else in this game, it simply wont work no matter how hard you try, so you're better off ignoring everything and just concentrating on hitting ball with full power.
Problems appear everywhere in this game, from disappearing graphics and text to clipping errors. Sometimes you'll hit a ball and it'll simply pass through a piece of terrain or a house and fall off the map, rewarding you with an out of bounds penalty. Other times it will slap the piece of terrain or house and fall directly to the ground. Unfortunately, it'll be too close to whatever it hit for you to knock it in the direction you want to. Your character will then appear magically floating in the air, almost completely lateral over the ball. What an incredible "feature"! Maybe this is how they golf in South Korea.
The game is annoyingly polite when explaining you have to swing in the complete opposite direction you intend to, even if you have a clear shot at the green with nothing in the way. The scrollbars are useless and don't work, but they don't need to because if there is more text than can fit into a box (a whopping 50 characters), it just spews out everywhere. I guess they didn't design it for languages that can't describe an entire century along with records of their ancestry with one single character.
The courses are probably one of the prime reasons for most of these bugs. Ranging from naval battles, the pyramids in Egypt, and maps with pits far deeper than the ones where the developer's hearts should be, each manages to be full of hazards and quite frankly don't seem all that safe to be golfing on. Problems on maps range from very poor positioning of aircraft, places you'll have to play from instead of being marked out of bounds, and every single green in the game. Greens and the putting you do on them are the worst parts of the courses and the game.