At a Glance: Get in a giant robot and destroy cities, people, tanks, other robots, cars, planes, and any other pixellated objects nearby. Sound cool? It sure did to me! Then I tried to play it.

Publisher: Infogrames

System: PC


When I heard Infogrames was sending me a copy of "Slave Zero" to review, I became really thrilled, even more excited than that time I was allowed to visit the petting zoo naked. The CD came in a festively adorned white box with pictures of evil robots all over it, making me totally forget about that other game where you're a robot and smash stuff that came in a similar box. You know, that one game by the company who's claim to fame is "Blood 2". The Slave Zero team has been real strict about distinguishing their game from "the other one", pointing out such stark, contrasting differences as:

1 - You can pick up cars in this game. Oh yeah, and throw them too.

2 - The tanks look kinda different.

3 - They didn't make Blood 2.

Watch out for this robot, he shoots guided missiles and perhaps exploding corn.

So I plopped the CD in, installed it, rebooted, and got ready for some great, robot-smashing action!

Nothing. Black screen. I rebooted the computer and tried again.

Black screen.

After talking with tech support, "Slave Zero" won't run on a computer with a CDROM drive that's not lettered as the "D" drive. Yup, if you have two hard drives or have partitioned your drive, you can't play it. Whee.

I was lucky enough to grab some screenshots from the game, but unfortunately can't give it a real "in-depth" review, as it won't run. Oh well, at least it doesn't look anything like "Shogo" - er, "that other game that actually runs".

How lame.

You must jump on this building to get the magic burrito powerup.
Check out the polygon count on this monster!
The explosions in "Slave Zero" really shine.
Here's a cool Easter Egg - Walk into this building and check out the hot lesbian orgy!
Graphics:- ?
Gameplay:- ?
Replay:- ?
Sound:- ?
Fun:- ?
Overall:- ?

Each category in the rating system is based out of a possible -10 score (-10 being the worst). The overall score is based out of a possible -50 score (-50 being the worst).

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

More Reviews [Games]

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.