OH MY GOD THIS IS THE SCARIEST GAME EVER. NO, I AM NOT BEING SARCASTIC. AT ALL.
#5: "Shadow the Hedgehog 2"
I had previously been under the impression the original Shadow the Hedgehog wasn't a very popular game, mostly based from the fact that nobody anywhere liked it. I guess I was wrong, because - hey, somebody thought it would be an amazing idea to create a sequel! Much like the original game, Shadow the Hedgehog 2 lacks any redeeming qualities whatsoever, but this can be overlooked by the amazing plot line, as reproduced from the author here: "Shadow returns to New York city, to save it from some kind of terrorists." God bless you for your tireless dedication to the Big Apple, Shadow.
Not content with simply being one of history's worst sidescrolling beat 'em ups, Trelyate takes a further step by additionally being one of history's most incomprehensible beat 'em ups. Fight against both bad guys and boredom as you try to rescue a shrill, maraca-shaking, vaguely feminine creature kidnapped by an army of spastic clones only capable of traveling in a straight line until they disappear from existence. The music, art, and gameplay are all consistently horrendous in their own insane ways, which almost counters the brutal boredom shoved down your throat. Still, I must admit shouting "Trelyate" randomly throughout the day feels strangely liberating. Try it, you'll agree.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.