The first Republican presidential debate produced memorable moments and revealed a lot about the candidates on the stage. Like their monster alter-egos. They may not actually be bloodthirsty creatures from the hell dimension, but their portrayal on TV is believable.
They are brash, cause pandemonium, they're lovable even as they wreck everything, they make recognizable noises, and they're both immune to attacks from the military.
After his brother fucked the whole country this guy keeps tirelessly chasing us no matter what we do. If he catches us he is going to fuck America to death.
Covered in visible slime, from hell, and he definitely has a bloody pussy on his stomach. If someone searches the Koch Brothers' lunatic asylum, they're going to find a puzzle box. No doubt this guy is a cenobite.
Ben Carson - The Thing
Everything seems fine with DOCTOR Ben Carson, until you give him a simple test and then his head is chasing you around on spider legs telling you your blood pressure medication is worse than slavery.
Mike Huckabee - Freddy Krueger
They're both haunting nightmares in striped shirts and for all he talks about precious babies, Huckabee probably murdered the kids in the neighborhood.
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
Get in on the ground floor of the hottest new crypto currency sweeping Earthrealm!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.