Back in the days before anyone cool liked computers, men who were quite obviously secret agents and guerilla warlords would spend their free time writing text files explaining their best tricks for bringing down the establishment. These files would then be traded in secret hacker powwows and passed from BBS to BBS in an attempt to remain one step ahead of the government's brutal henchmen. As far as I can tell, not one of the brave data knights was ever caught - a testament to their cunning nature, or more likely, Uncle Sam's indifference to files telling people to "put stink bombs in your teacher's jacket."

There are still some places on the Internet where such files are available, but over the years most of them have been lost to things like hard drive crashes, natural disasters, and shutting down the computer before Windows says it's okay. While cleaning out my closet last week I came across an old hard drive and found one of these files that I'd like to share with you now. You should know that many of the activities listed here could have very dangerous consequences, so don't attempt anything you read here today.

THE ANARCHIST PRANKSTER'S GUIDEBOOK
VERSION 0.4 - FEBRUARY 11, 1993
*******************************************************************
NEW VERSIONS WILL ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE AT
----=== RANDY THE RIPPER'S BBS ===----
----====== Always Bet On Randy... ======----
*******************************************************************

D I S C L A I M E R
If you are a police cop you better stop looking at this right away.
I know my rights f***kin pigs.


Welcome to my text phile... here you will find a collection of ANARCHIST TACTICS sure to overwhelm even the most strict principals, teachers and assistant principals... written by me, XOZero.. an unassuming 14 year old in rural America....now on with the chaos...

1) KMART CATASTROPHE
If you're ever in Kmart and you see one of your teachers there, hang around out of sight and don't let them see you. Then when they leave their cart to go look at something, steal something out of it and put it back on the shelf! Good luck waxing your car without car wax, Mr. Peterson !!

2) APPLEY ANARCHY
Put a bag of apples in the heating vent at school a few weeks before Winter. It will smell real bad the first time they turn on the heater. Then when the principal comes in and they're talking to the teacher about it you can make fart noises. If you do it good he'll think it's the teacher farting.

3) PENS IN THE GLUE
Have a bottle of white glue? Good..... stick a bunch of pens and pencils in it!! Then when the teacher asks whats up you can say "Anarchy b***tch..."

4) COACH CRAZY
Here are some ways to drive your gym class coach nuts.. They work every time.

- Make up a song that goes "Coach, coach, you are a bad coach.."
(thats the first line you can make up the rest)
- Look for more in the next version of this phile.

5) MORE MADNESS AT KMART
Most Kmarts have phones all over the place with a little directory attached. Find the number for the public address system and type it in. Now you can say whatever you want to the whole store!! I suggest something like "ASS BUGS" or "I HATE SCHOOL" This works even better if you have a teacher in the store like in tip #1.

6) PREGNANT PUZZLER
Sometimes a female teacher at school gets knocked up and this opens up a whole new level of fun for the anarchist.. If the teacher falls asleep you can go up to her belly and say to the baby "ANARCHY FOREVER!" and maybe the baby will come out and be a hell raiser like us or you can just spoil movies for the baby by saying "DARTH VATER IS LUKE DAD YOU DUMB BABY!!" but dont wake up the mom.

7) DRAGONFLY DOOM
Do you have a mortal enemy whose life you want destroyed? Simply catch a dragonfly one day and stick it in one of your teacher's cars, then write a note that says "Mr or Mrs. Teacher, I stuck the dragonfly in your car and I don't regret it in fact I hope you wreck your car off a cliff, signed (the enemy's name)" Then just sit back and watch your enemy get tackled by a cop..

Important: Double check to make sure you signed it with the enemy's name and not your name.

8) MILK MIX-UP
Offer a teacher or principal a free glass of milk but first pour some cologne in the milk. Then when they taste the cologne they will spit it out all over themselves and smell like cologne and milk all the rest of the day.

How it works: They will be so excited about free milk that they will chug it before they notice anything is wrong!!

9) MOVIE MISFORTUNE
A lot of the time your teacher will show movies in class because he or she is a lazy susan or is afraid of you being smarter than them.. Well what you should do is if its a video tape you can fast forward a bunch of it when the teacher leaves the room so that when they come back the movie will be almost over. Or if its a oldstyle projector you can cut the film up with scissors or steal the light bulb out of it then when the teacher says "Go get another light" you can ditch school.

10) ASTRONOMY? ASTRONOYOU!!
Some times you will go on a field trip to a planetarium this is a good place to do some pranks because its very dark. Like when you are all looking up at the stars and stuff go "THIS IS BORING" and they will get mad but they wont know who said it. Then in the confusion you can take that time to carve the anarchy symbol in your chair.

11) SHOPPING CART SHENANIGANS
Get a bunch of shopping carts from a parking lot and dump em in one of your teacher's lawns so it looks like they are a dead beat

Warning: the grocery store staff may yell at you!


Until next time.....


This article is (C) XOZero if you have any questions you can email me at [email protected]
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/////////////////////////////////
Hell yeh!!! This file was
downloaded from the
SEXECUTIONER'S BBS

SysOp: DiabeticThunder
CoSysop: ratso
/////////////////////////////////
Dainty Dirt


You'll just keep on scrollin' if you know what's good for you, which isn't this, the thing that isn't good for you.

– Johnny "Doc Evil" Titanium (@fart)

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