The holidays are a great time to buy the gamer in your life a Christmas or Hanukkah gift. Choosing the perfect gift for the gamer in your life can be difficult, so we put together a holiday gift guide with the hottest gifts that will make the gamer in your life "Quake"... not from "F.E.A.R.", but joy! And that's no "Fable"! "Duke Nukem Forever"!
The Gaming Helmet is the perfect gift for the gamer in your life. This futuristic doodad weighs nearly eighty pounds - nearly ten times as much as the competition!
How does it work? When the Gaming Helmet is lowered onto the head of the gamer in your life, its patented "crush processing" goes to work right away, compressing his or her neck and inflicting a crippling spinal injury. This instantly limits his or her mobility and options, freeing up a ton of time so that the gamer in your life can devote more time to gaming.
Sitting on a normal, analog chair and listening to your games on 5.1 surround sound speakers is so 20th century. The future of gaming is all about putting you right into the action!
With the Speakerchair, the gamer in your life will be immersed in his or her games like never before. Thanks to new technology that lets designers cut holes into foam and cram speakers into those holes, this chair is truly from the future.
The next time you play a first person shooter and the character that's been helping you throughout the whole game reveals that they're actually a traitor, you'll actually feel their muffled words blast against your back and legs. Now dialogue can come straight out of a game designer's ass and into yours!
What's better than giving the gamer in your life a great video game? That's right, ONE MILLION GAMES!
If that's out of your budget, I guess you could get this box that has 1,000 games inside. It's not quite 1,000,000 but you do get such classics as:
How did they fit all that entertainment into one box?
Traditional controllers? Bleh. Mice and keyboards? Been there. Done that. Cleaned the Doritos cheese from the crevices. The real way to control your game is with haptics.
It works like this: You grab the little ball that protrudes from the device and move it around to manipulate balls on the screen. If a ball in the game is hot, the ball on the haptic controller will heat up. If a ball in the game is heavy, you will feel resistance if you try to push the haptic ball forward.
Right now a few ping pong games and sex simulators are supported, but as the gadget catches on you can be sure that more and more games will feature tiny balls that the gamer in your life can manipulate.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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