This is my last rom pit ever. I mean it. Ever. If I come back to this column for any reason, end me. Blow my head off. Cut me up with a rusty switchblade. Anything.
You would need to draw out a very complex chart to figure out Time Diver. It would be a line graph with “How much you would pay for this movie” on one side and “Thinks Axe Body spray is all you need for deodorant” on the other.
I know I usually point out one bizarre thing and never shut up about it, but seriously – this game is about a pink dragon that farts. There is no way I could make this review unfunny even if it was only a picture of the dragon farting on a frog with sunglasses.
Don’t we all long for the days when running naked through the park and kicking clowns with soccer balls was all we had to worry about?
Sometimes I forget to check the list of games that the Rom Pit has reviewed, so certain in their awfulness that I just assume they have been under the penetrating gaze of previous Romlords. It filled me with happy ooze to find out that Kid Niki has never been reviewed and I would be the one to break it in.
Not only is Harry Potter a wizard, he’s also a time traveler that can make himself a game for the NES. Is this canon? By the power of Hogwarts, I will make it so! *Updates wikipedia*
I really, really like watching people fail! I mean look at that guy, he’s a little coyote and he’s starving to death. My belly, it’s erupting! Now I want to play a game where I can torture this coyote again and again. What? Death Valley Rally for the SNES? I’ll play that!
Have you ever wanted to be a ninja? Please don’t. It can only end in tragedy or being stuck saving princesses until you pass out from exhaustion. Do you think they have insurance that will cover a throwing star to the back? Doubtful. Stay safe, stay indoors, and read this review of Legend of Kage for NES instead of poofing in a cloud of smoke.
I’m well trained at being a wizard because I have used all the wizards on my computer; my internet wizard, my resume wizard, my elf wizard. Although I get to cast hexes at my Mom whenever she yells at me, using my wizard skills in Drakkhen for Super Nintendo is better.
The NES is famous for seven things and great wrestling games will never, ever be one of them no matter how often I write it on cakes or message boards. It’s especially true with the title M.U.S.C.L.E, exclusively reviewed on the Rom Pit.
Total Recall for the NES is a pinnacle in terrible NES games, combining the twin snakes of impossible levels with glory holes.
Soon I'll be moving away from Michigan. In May I will be transporting myself across the country to seek fame and riches (tax evasion). I don't expect to wow many Portlanders with "Anybody here like the internet?" so I've decided that the best way is to point out random facts I've learned from "Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?" New friends, ahoy!
The death yodel has sounded again and that means another Rompit Review must be brought before you savage hordes. This week I vivisect the game “Back to the Future” for the NES due to popular demand from my neighbor who was all like, “Hey bro, you should check out this game. It totally blows.” Then we high-fived and played air guitar hero. On hard.
In early 1991, American Softworks released “Treasure Master” with delicious toy prizes inside. Players had a few months to practice playing the game before a super secret code was released on MTV that would allow players to have access to a prize world tacked onto the end of the standard ones.
A comedy review of the tedious NES title,
Home Improvement for the SNES needs some improvement!
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