Me: *throwing a fidget spinner across the room* so what do you cool bros think about Mike's hard lemonade? *dab*
Human ass vending machine.
These date stories really are the pits.
If you think Hitler was good, you've got another thing coming.
if ur an evil wizard post in this thread about the spells you cast and other things like that. personally for me i like to make potions that turn people into skeleton monsters that obey my every whim.
Wow, certainly a provocative article title this week. Sorry. Next week it'll be about Donald Trump or some shit, promise.
*effortlessly evading the Xenomorphs clumsy blows* Ok, this has been fun, but I think it's about time I killed you.
Yeah it is getting a little long, huh. Well I'll get on it soon, have a few things to get done first tho
People ask me if it's difficult to do so many different accents, but that's easy. The difficult part is dialing all the numbers.
Think the customer is always right? Heh... read on, kid...
Sex is like an art. There's a good way to do it, and a bad way to do it.
FBI, if you're listening to me right now, remain silent
These stimpaks are making me thirsty!
Apples... and ORANGES??? Wuh? Buh? Zuh?
"What are you gonna do, seize me?" -Quote from man seized
Ever wondered about how to cook an egg? This article is for you!
Ah yeah, that's the stuff
May your YouTube recommendations always infer the worst about you
I'm going to use my Q-Tips to clean my ears, against the explicit instructions not to do so
*the Baha Men look at their feet and kick the dust around a tiny ajar bee door*
A contest to guess a Pokémon engenders awe-inspiring art!
"Yo RZA, yo razor, hit me with the major disappointment over the consistency of this flan"
Drop a cadbury egg in there for a fun way to celebrate easter.
Please remember to get regular cancer screenings. This part isn't a joke. The part in the article itself is a joke though.
Congratulations! Here are some jokes about sex stuff - including sex!
Please don't try these at home.
A THRILLING article that will leave you ASTONISHED! [That's how noir taglines read, I think. Sorry.]
Remember that dog that played basketball. From the 90s. He's back
Me: 6'6" lumberjack I'm 6' tall the other measurement isn't overstatement You: 3 foot tall woman with a flat head for me to put my beer on, no teeth
Me: [in the car, driving away] Smoking weed with grandma is funny
Waiting for Godot: Two guys look up sports scores on their phones for two acts.
911: hello yes this is 911
Like stand-up comedians, but they're sitting down, instead. Do you get it please?
Want to play along at home? Write your answers on a postcard and send them to [continued inside article]
Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor.
My computer is really tiny and hard to use!
Jack Nance was handsome. He looked like the the guy on the cover of the book. The guy on the horse. The other guy on the cover is Travis.
Idleness grows from heresy Jerry. FROM HERESY!
The last part of all your favorite films, such as [trails off awkwardly]
Things about college you wish you'd known before you went!
WARNING: The following stories are grody.
Declared a national bird today, but then it flew off.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND. IT'S NOT REAL ADVICE)
Finally, a web article all about computers...
a drive-through car dealership, where you don't even have to get out of your car to get into another car
Sitting in your office running your window glass pane moving business.
Selling objects to the past, lighters, weed, etc. Pretty intriguing stuff. Hard sci-fi concepts. Imagine selling drugs and crap to a guy from the past... pretty insane. That's basically what this article is all about
There is literally nothing sexier than eye contact.
This card game? Kekeke... let's just say it's not exactly Uno... *smirks evilly*