A Kvetch story
One day in the temple of sages in the land of hyrule, Kvetch, the sage of the forest, could hear someone call out to her...She wasn't sure who it was or where it was coming from. She decided to ask Spokker Jones, the sage of time.
"Spokker Jones?" She asked. "
"I am hearing a voice in my head that I do not know...it's like calling out to me, wanting me near. I do not know whether to embrace this voice or just let it pass...what do you think I should do?"
Kvetch, I have a way we can find out about the voice you are hearing." She waves her hands and they see an image of a young real life man, sitting there looking at a picture. It was a picture of Kvetch, she looked much different in the picture than she really did...it was so weird..then they heard the person speak...
"Oh, Kvetch," the voice said "Please just take me away from this pain."
Kvetch began to cry at the scene. "You really want to help him with his pain, don't you?" Spokker Jones asked.
"Yes, I do, more than anything, but I can't leave the temple of the sages...can I?"
"Yes, you can, you just have to want to help this person with his pain, like you would give up your life for him."
"And I would do that, too."
"See, you do have that power to become human, and be with is person...please go now before it is too late!"
Kvetch walks toward the light and reappears near the person who is sound asleep by now in his bed...She took on the appearance of what she looked like in the picture the boy was holding in his arms. She gently took the picture from his hands and placed his hands in hers... and put her arms around him to keep him close the rest of the night.
When he awoke he was in for a shock..."W-what? W-who are you?"
"It's me Kvetch, Matt Wilson"...she had looked into his mind for memories the night before..She held him close. "The girl in the picture you love so much..."
"It really is you," as he looked at her, he began to notice more and more how much she resembeled Kvetch..."You ARE Kvetch...but how did you come to be alive...you're just bits of game information on my Spokker Jones: Orcarina of Time Game for the Nintendo 64."
"Matt Wilson, I saw how badly you were sad, and I had the willpower to come and help you, so I did...and I know all about your pain and suffereing through the years. I am willing to help you walk, make the pain go away and feel that special love you need and I promise you, you will NEVER be alone again..."With that, she kissed him on the lips..."you're my Link now, and will always be," she kissed him again more passionately, more feeling...
"You really want to help me don't you Kvetch?" Matt Wilson asked, smiling
"Yes, with all my heart, I do. Can I...make love...to you?"
"You really want to?"
"Yes, I do..." She kissed him aain passionately...then she slipped off her shirt, wearing a red and green bra. "I know you like both colors, my sweet, Matt Wilson, so I made my bra both colors." She kissed him again and took his shirt off. "I want you to be with me always, sweetie..."
He cries in her arms, not knowing what to say or do..."I will help you, my love," Kvetch said, she hugged him tightly to her, then she reached behind her and undid her red and green bra...and laid it down next to her top. "Matt Wilson, honey, do you like what you see?"
"Yes, I do, please do more," he tried to smile...
"Of course, my love," Kvetch smiled and stood up and took her skirt down her legs, reveavealing green panties she wore, that was the same color as the rest of her clothes. then she slid down her panties, she kissed him on the lips, frenching him...she wanted nothing more than to be there with him for all time...and she knew that she could...because of what Spokker Jones had told her, she slid her panties down, and was completly naked for him....she didn't care...she wanted him to be happy and by the way he looked he was...she toook his right hand and placed it on one of her breasts.
"Matt Wilson, please don't be afraid, honey...I have never wanted anything more in my life."
He cried in her arms "But what about your duties as sage of the forest? What about them?"
"Matt Wilson," Kvetch said, smiling, "when I came here, the younger version of myself still in the video world of hyrule became the older me and is in the temple of time as we speak..."
"Really, m'love?" Matt Wilson asked
"Really, sweetie." Kvetch answered, smiling...She was enjoying her time with him...She knew it would never end, because when he mingled in her...he would not die because she was a Kokori...a everlasting child...a person who would not grow old...
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
"World of Warcraft" has been sucking in cash and fat peoples' souls like a Ghostbusters containment unit, so it only seemed appropriate that Something Awful start up a section devoted to such a noble game. The Art of Warcraft tackles all the hot button ingame issues, and much more!