A while back, I asked for questions from my readership, as well as their pictures. You asked, I put off answering them, you asked some more, and my pal Blue got bored. Our inside man Blue, a Blizzard General Master who actually cares about helping players, was cheap as he was beligerent. Instead of posting what many of you already know on a message board you would rather not be reading, Blue answers your most common emails to Art of Warcraft!

Subject: The World of Warcraft MMORPG bit.

That's really the only way to play any mmorpg. I played one learned it got bored of it created a thief and started stealing as a thief should and well it pissed everyone off it was great being able to tell people I didn't scam them, I am a thief playing in character, only later to report their profanity against me. Idiots, how the hell do they get off saying they're married to someone in the game that will kick your ass? That's really gay...pixelated gay power.

Until next time

The Leaders Of Computer Disposal.

Salutations, Assholes!

The “Homophobic Thief” class is clearly the most difficult matchup in World of Warcraft. With skills ranging from pickpocketing other players, to holding aggression from couples with alternative lifestyles – the HT can do it all. However, perhaps you should be more tolerant of other classes, and maybe give them a shot! You could be a Bigoted Bard, who sings tales of Genocide and Racial Purity. I have a “Incestual Lich” I rolled up as an alt, who’s currently spec’d Necromancy/Brotherfucking. Feel free to experiment, and try out a different playstyle; deep down inside you are probably the faggot you’ve hated all along!

Stay True,
Blue

Subject: go and play with toys insted
coze u really dont know what its all about. noobz like u should not have a pc. and look around your room. u are addicted as many others, addicted to shit, take a shower, make a coffe a go stab yourself.


ciryna on stormrage




Ciryna, always so coy,

Warcraft addiction is a serious problem. The trick is to not let the game dictate your lifestyle. To help keep things in perspective, I’ll often take a serious look at my immediate surroundings, and think of things that are more important to me than this game. Things like Starcraft, for example, or plenty of other things that I don’t have to bring up answering your letter, because I don’t want to.

While I do admit I could use my bath ahead of schedule this week, I think I’m doing just fine, thank you very much. Besides, I hardly think I can stab myself – it’s just a video game! There is simply no way my Troll Hunter is going to come out of my computer monitor, slay me, steal my clothes and with them, my identity, and take revenge on all of those assholes who stole my dignity at gym last week. But I’ll admit, sometimes I do entertain the notion.

Wuvvles,
Blue

Subject: Thought I'd respond...

I'd say one of the bigger problems that plague mages at this point is the fact that, since release, the spell Arcane Missiles has been broken. This spell appears to function on the Russian Roulette principle and it invariably fail to work at the precise moment that the big ugly bear brings down his massive paw on your cloth-wearing butt. Seriously, what the hell?


Geluf



Geluf my Love,

This is definitely something we like to call a “Hot Button Issue”. The reason we call it that is because, well, you shouldn’t be touching something that’s hot! You could burn yourself, or much worse! Arcane Missiles is a spell that has been causing the developers grief for quite some time now. However, have you tried the following?

Uninstalling all of your User Interface Components?

Having enough Mana to Successfully Cast the Spell?

Resurrecting at Your Corpse or a Spirit Healer?

Maintaining Line of Sight with the Target?

Installing some of the Latest User Interface Components?

Blaming Someone For Breaking a Sheep?

Patching to the Latest Graphic Drivers?

Crossing Your Fingers?

Purchasing and Installing a New Copy of World of Warcraft?

Respeccing into, or out of, Improved Arcane Missiles?

Jiggling It?

Casting Fireball Instead?

Giving Up and Rolling a Warlock?

I am certain that one of these troubleshooting steps will solve your problem.

All Further Correspondence Will Be In Game,
Blue

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"World of Warcraft" has been sucking in cash and fat peoples' souls like a Ghostbusters containment unit, so it only seemed appropriate that Something Awful start up a section devoted to such a noble game. The Art of Warcraft tackles all the hot button ingame issues, and much more!

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