Kango Shicyauzo

Goooooood morning Mister RAPIST!

Game Plot: Alright, there's no getting around this part so I'm going to come right out and put it on the table here at the beginning of my review; in Kango Shicyauzo you have forced anal sex with your bound and gagged mother while a nun assaults her vagina with a strap-on dildo. More on that wonderful revelation later since it's actually far worse than that one sentence description. Brace yourself for another shocker; this game is less morally reprehensible than most Hentai Games. Kangaroo Chicken is a massive game, probably almost unparalleled in terms of scale and number of plot branches. Its gameplay is not particularly interactive, consisting mostly of the usual multiple choice questions that branch the plot. Excitingly though, at the beginning of the game you get to enter your character's name. Naturally I chose "RAPIST" as mine (I was limited to eight characters or it would have been PEDOPHILE), yet was "disappointed" when my character did not turn out to be a rapist.

I'm getting ahead of myself, owing mostly to emotional trauma experienced at the hands of that nun and her roving strap-on. Good old RAPIST starts the game as a pediatrician at a hospital with his eye on his nurse. Just as you're making a pass at her you're interrupted by a phone call from your mother inviting you over for dinner. I'll go ahead and stress that she is your FOSTER mother, since the game did, and that your sister is your FOSTER sister. The game points this out as you talk with her, sandwiching references to how she raised you between references to the fact that you can see her panties or that she is really attractive. Class act! Over dinner and after some brief friendly groping from your FOSTER sister your mother convinces you to teach a class at a nurse school. Obviously RAPIST is a really shitty doctor if he can just leave his practice for an indefinite amount of time to go have sex with young girls and nuns. I was briefly under the misguided opinion that a nurse fetish is something I can deal with, I have no problem with nurse-themed pornography, and then I remembered how much the game was pointing out that RAPIST was adopted. That's when the worrying resumed.

My first day teaching at the all girl's school got off to a rocky start when a nun made me grab her breast and my FOSTER sister went around telling everyone that I was her boyfriend. While RAPIST managed to dispel this concept with the help of a suck up class president he unintentionally let slip that he was single, and woe betide a man who mentions that in a Hentai game set at a girl's school. If you're a single adult male that automatically makes you worthy of becoming a sultan and having all of the women within the school become a harem guarded by scimitar-wielding eunuchs. I knew the field was wide open, unfortunately a full third of the players were FOSTER relatives.

Oh, you're a naughty nun! Bad sister!Because I'm not a big fan of FOSTER incest I decided to pursue the affections of the nun. It was either her, the annoying class president, or the girl named "Nanana" (not joking) that had shit in her hair like Chun-Li. Being a fairly progressive Catholic, two days after RAPIST's impressive arrival at the nursing school the nun was overcome by my ability to choose the right option from a multiple choice question. We consummated our passion for erotic standardized testing right there in the chapel and then discussed the theological implications of the act. The amount of text devoted to this deep conversation was roughly one fourth that of the amount of text devoted to describing ejaculating inside of her vagina.

Speaking of the nun's vagina - and I never thought I would be in a position as a writer to start a sentence that way - her vagina and the vaginas of the other women in the game all contain some sort of trapped spiritual entity. Their vaginas are basically the reproductive equivalent of the ecto-containment unit from "Ghost Busters" in that every time you have sex with them bizarre specters and wraiths emerge. And those ghosts are fucking massive, let me tell you, you could take a pap-smear of the girls while "releasing energy" by throwing rolls of paper towels down their uterus.

One of the unique things about Koala Chopsticks is that once you have had sex with a girl you will continue having sex with her throughout the whole game. After my ménage-a-trois with the nun and the ghost the three of us could hardly take time from our busy schedules of grunting, "releasing energy", and praying. The nun would occasionally offer up some hair-brained spiritual insight about our relationship that would make the Pope burst into flames if he heard it. I played through the entirety of the game, raising my eyebrows at a few things like the nun breast-feeding a baby in the nursery and asking to be tied up and blindfolded, but it was a far cry from the debauchery that I knew lurked within. After reaching the conclusion of RAPIST's crusade to get himself excommunicated to the moon I hopped on the Internet and went looking for a save game. Most Hentai games have save games floating around on the Internet that unlock all the CGI sex scenes. I saw that King Cobra featured a "memories" section that would reply the sex scenes, providing me insight into the rest of the game.

In this soft light, with those dinner plate sized eyes, I just want to fuck your ass while a nun uses a dildo to have sex with you.This game is fairly long and it would be painful to play through it enough times to unlock everything, but luckily I did find the save game. This one four kilobyte file was the key that unlocked a Pandora's box of perversion that I am still reeling from. When it comes to disgusting Kalamazoo Cheeseburger can't hold a candle to the shitting of "Water Closet" or the corpse eating rape of "Cheerleader Cannibal Coroner", but it was at least as shocking as either game.

First of all there was the sheer volume of sex sequences. Not morally repugnant, but the fact that there were at least forty sent my eyebrows cresting high on my forehead. When I saw that you could have sex repeatedly with both your FOSTER mother and your FOSTER sister my eyebrows maintained their heightened level. After all, what seasoned sailor of the hentai seas worth his salt wouldn't grasp the meaning of the first reference to your mother's panties? My eyebrows rocketed upwards at least three meters off of my face when I realized you could marry your sister or mother. At least that's what I'm assuming was happening in the confusing sex-filled "memories" I played through. Both made references to chapels and "being together forever".

The real kicker has already been revealed at the outset, the mom, the nun, and the strap-on that sent my eyebrows into low earth orbit, my monocle blasting through the wall, and my socks buried somewhere near the earth's core. It is far worse than that sentence alone could hope to describe, so I will now devote the entire remainder of this paragraph to it. The "memory" began with RAPIST and his mom locked in the heat of a blowjob on a hospital bed. After painting her face a sassy off-white color the RAPIST was caught red monster-donged by his sister and two of her friends including Banana. Furious at finding her brother screwing her mother, RAPIST's sister did the only logical thing and tied up her mom and then insisted RAPIST have sex with all three of them. Once he had released the ghosts from the trio's ecto-coolers and covered their presented backsides with baby-to-be the nun burst into the room. Inspired by a deep devotion to her faith, the nun began to force a penance of dildo teasing onto RAPIST's beloved mother. This was simply not enough to compensate her soul for the crime she had committed and the nun instructed RAPIST to "put [his] thing in her anus". Which of course he did, I mean she's a nun, what was he going to do, turn down her instruction to anally violate his restrained mother? Then the nun herself joined the fray with the healing power of a black strap-on dildo. The whole scenario ended with the nun declaring that "God forgives all" and all five girls posing to try to lure RAPIST into even more debauchery.

Don't ask.Difficulty: To completely finish the game would take a fairly decent chunk of time, but the game itself is pretty easy. It allows you to choose "hints" any time there is a plot branch, and these tell you who you will have an encounter with (sexual or otherwise) depending on which option you select. If you're really aiming for having repeated sex with your mother the game's hint system will gladly accommodate you. In between levels it will show a needlessly long sequence of cards featuring pictures of the various women flipping over. The pair that is revealed will represent, I believe, the woman who you successfully wooed in the preceding portion of the game. Once you're "in a relationship" this pair will come up over and over again, making the card flipping even more redundant and annoying.

Defining Moment: What do you fucking think? The mom, sister, and nun sequence was like a chain reaction of defining moments that reached a critical mass of incest and sacrilege. I'm not one to get all worked up over blaspheming a religion I don't even follow, but this game is the equivalent of a "Satanic Verses" for Catholicism. Even in Italy, where nun porn is big business, you don't run into that many porno nuns who advise a son to anally violate his tied-up mother.

Final Thoughts: As horrifying as multiple-incest porn is, and cries of FOSTER aside this is most definitely the fetish the game is largely playing to, Kimono Cul-de-sac is actually LESS offensive to me than most Hentai games. Why? Rape. I am used to seeing it in these games but I find rape to be one of the most offensive things to include in something that is intended as erotic. I really don't find Hentai illustrations to be erotic, but if I did the last thing I would want to see while jerking off would be a brutal rape sequence. That would be akin to watching an American porno and halfway through Stephanie Swift giving a blowjob the screen cuts to footage from a medical documentary about infected burn-wounds. Only worse, the porno would have to somehow not just attach images of infected burn wounds to sexual arousal, but combine it with the message that actually burning and infecting someone is desirable. I'm not suggesting that most Hentai fans are rapists, only that eroticizing the violence in the games has much more profound an effect on someone than just plain violence would. Now that I've got that off my chest, Klingon Cardboard did not feature this sort of sexual violence. Even the mother/nun sequence that easily made the defining moment was very minimal in terms of the violence involved.