I.K.U.

Yeah, I wouldn't look too happy either if I were in your position Reiko.I.K.U. - or Iku for those of me not fond of typing acronyms over and over - is a bewildering pornographic science fiction movie set in the year 2016. The film takes place entirely in a virtual reality called "night-world", an artificial realm populated seemingly completely with people engaged in various bizarre sex acts. The protagonist is a shape-shifting robot named Reiko tasked by a horny black guy in an elevator with collecting the "ecstasy" of various other robots. This ecstasy can then be sold as a sort of drug by the always capitalized GENOM CORPORATION.

Believe me when I say I just did you a huge favor by boiling down the basics of the plot for you. If you ever manage to get your hands on this film you're going to be thanking me because the movie throws mostly irrelevant information and factoids at you almost non-stop. Text displayed on the screen is always in English and most of the characters speak in a mixture of English and Japanese. Even the weird techno soundtrack's accompanying singers and chirpy female narrator are usually doing their thing in dual Japanese and English.

That said allow me to start where the movie starts; with a text scroll that clumsily explains Reiko's mission and the evil super corporation sponsoring her.

Reiko undergoing her transformation."Early in the 21st Centry[sic], THE GENOM CORPORATION advanced the sexual revolution into the GEN-XXX phase - a being virtually identical to a human - known as an I.K.U. Coder."

"The GEN-XXX I.K.U. Coders were superior in their harddrive bodies, and at least equal in insatiability, to the programming engineers who created them. I.K.U. Coders were used in the night-world as XXX data hunters, in the orgasmic exploration and sexualization of other couples."

"After a non-stop sexing journey by a GEN-XXX I.K.U. Coder team in the night-world, Coders were declared fulldata - ready for retrieval. Special data collectors - I.K.U. RUNNER UNITS - had orders to fuck to retrieve, upon detection, any fulldata I.K.U. Coders."

"This was not called love."

"It was called Sex."

Actually I would call it "questionable cinematography" myself, but maybe that's just me and my love for non-vibrating cameras that don't spin and rotate every five seconds. If you don't have motion sickness by about three minutes into this movie you obviously have some sort of gland that secretes natural Dramamine. During sex scenes, hell during any scenes, the camera drops to low angle shots and swoops around like one of the flying fish from "Piranha 2: The Spawning". Frantic MTV-like editing ensures that no sex scene lasts long enough to even begin to become erotic and the number of flashing lights and CGI effects on the screen at a given moment are enough to cause a blind cave shrimp to have epileptic seizures.Whenever Reiko changes identities a screen like this pops up so we can keep track of the characters. It doesn't really work.The first scene of the movie pays brief homage to the movie "Blade Runner" before descending into a weird groping session in an elevator between a dreadlocked black guy and a stern-faced Japanese woman. It's sort of hard to discern exactly what is happening in the scene thanks to the camera being placed on the floor, but I think it involves both of them stripping nearly naked and then the black guy not allowing the Japanese woman touch his jock. Adding to the confusion the elevator they're in will occasionally stop and upbeat syrupy music will start playing. The woman will look out the doors of the elevator and the movie will cut to a text card giving you some weird fact about the GENOM CORPORATION. When the groping session is completed the black guy shoots some sort of laser tattoo gun at the woman making a glowing-green "XXX" appear on her wrist. He refers to her as Reiko and explains that her mission is to travel throughout "night-world" collecting ecstasy from various sex robots.

Reiko's first mission takes her to a "dance club" that consists of a gaggle of half-dressed men and women standing around a stage where topless dancers are writhing around. I immediately noticed that someone went crazy in this scene with makeup glue and glitter, plastering the shit all over people's faces in giant clumps. Reiko assumes the guise of a large-breasted dancer, a fact conveyed to us with a flashing red and vaguely humanoid 3D model superimposed over her followed by a screen showing what identities she has taken so far. Then she engages in something somewhat sexual with a man and one of the other dancers. They sort of roll around and sprout mosaics while the camera spins in the opposite direction and shakes like artillery fire is hitting the studio. After only maybe 30 seconds of this the camera focuses on Reiko's arm. Through the magic of CGI it transforms into a giant penis.

Reiko's arm turns into a penis. Nothing too unusual about that.I repeat. Reiko sprouts a cock arm. She immediately thrusts this into the waiting ass of her male friend and we're treated to a shot that in the script probably read something like "INTERIOR - NIGHT - COLON". Her penis arm thrusts in and out of the colon, occasionally turning back into a fist for a fleeting moment and then back into a cock arm. This is too much for the guy who groans and collapses. A quick edit and some more film n' spin work later and Reiko's got the old dick limb wedged in her female friend's swirling psychedelic crotch. This scene taught me that the chief distinction between the inside of a man's ass and the inside of a woman's vagina is that men's colons look pretty much like what you see in a colonoscopy; wet pink tunnels. Women's vaginas look slightly similar but they have a flowery lens filter, they shake a whole bunch, and everything moves around a lot.

The girl collapses from Reiko's treatment as well and we can only assume that Reiko's rough cock armsmanship has killed them. She receives new orders from GENOM CORPORATION via another interstitial to "look for the legacy dish lady wait there for the super bike".

Reiko transforms into a blond woman in a skintight silver jumpsuit so she can catch a ride with another girl riding a motorcycle covered with blue neon lights. They catch up to a van where a couple are having sex and Reiko manages to flag the vehicle down so she can join in on the action. The action takes place mainly in a variety of bizarre CGI set pieces with overwhelming swirling lights and distorting fish eye lenses. She eventually bests both of them and acquires their "ecstasy" by using a sold one-two combo from her trusty cock arm.