Black Swap

Black Swap" is a movie in which a dozen or so black guys from Los Angeles were hired to travel to Japan and have sex with two popular Japanese porn idols named Ai Kurosawa and Cocolo. It consists of six thematically-connected sequences which I will review individually.

Scene 1: "It Taste Good"

Ello, ello, ello! Wut 'ave we 'ere?Cocolo is lounging by the pool reading a book. A shirtless black man spies her and attempts to introduce himself only to be immediately sexually assaulted by the rail-thin pornstar. Cocolo yanks the guy's pants down (he introduces himself as Taeboo) and proceeds to give him a noisome blowjob that recalls the sounds a partially clogged pipe into a septic tank might make following a chili cook-off. The director advises Taeboo from off camera to "keep talking," prompting a Shakespearian series of "suck that shit." Cocolo manages a single "it taste good" and an oddly asked "are all righ?" lost amid a sea of anime-like "nnnnaaaaa" sounds and stock moans.

Cocolo approaches the scene with a commendable workmanlike attitude. She may not understand a word coming out of her partner's mouth, but that doesn't mean it's time to slack off. She does take a TMJ break to slime up her cleavage and molest Taeboo with her breasts, but even here she does all the work, letting Taeboo simply observe wryly "yeah, that's a nipple." The scene does have a surprise ending. Taeboo says "here it comes" as if it's time for the obligatory pop and drool fiasco Japanese porn loves so much. Then it fades to black and when it comes back he is beating off onto her face. The twist is that you can actually see that he is holding, and presumably was using, a porno magazine. The blow to Cocolo's self-esteem was no doubt crushing.

Scene 2: "Okee! Alright!"

Boobs!A buff and shirtless black guy in camouflage pants accompanies the cheery and busty Ai Kurosawa into a dining room. He has an incongruously high and soft voice and she chirps things like "okee!" and sings some heathen Japanese melody to herself. Ai is impressed with the guy's ability to twitch his pectoral muscles and she rewards his unique ability by repeatedly poking the front of his pants with her fingertips. The scene is less amusing than the previous scene if only because Ai Kurosawa seems completely comfortable and the nameless black guy sticks to moaning and saying "yeah" repeatedly. She performs a slightly less sloppy blowjob than her compatriot and then spends most of the scene putting her ample bosom to good use. Perhaps because cultural differences didn't mute Ai's enthusiasm, the muscle bound man on the other end of Ai's attentions is able to complete the scene without visual aids. I am fairly certain it is required by law that 95% of Japanese porn ends with a woman drooling semen out of her mouth and this scene is no exception.

Despite the predictability of the climax this scene also has something of a twist ending. The stock drooling cum sequence is interrupted by the guy leaning in and saying "thank you, baby" and kissing Ai on the cheek. It's sort of sadly touching in a way, but it is also funny because Ai recoils in confusion at first when the rote ending to every porn shoot ever in Japan is interrupted by a thank you from her male costar.

Scene 3: "Suck That Chest"

Haaaaaaaaauuuuuuuccckkkk. Pa-tooey!Cocolo is back in action, entering a bedroom where yet another shirtless muscled black guy awaits her attentions. She's carrying a glass of what appears to be Kool Aid or could possibly be watermelon juice depending on how far the Japanese are willing to take racist in-jokes. As she climbs into the bed the black guy comments "Yeah, yep, go on suck that chest. That's what you do." Cocolo doesn't understand what he's saying so instead of sucking on his chest she spends more than a minute spitting Kool Aid all over his chest before the sucking begins. Why don't you rub some fried chicken and collared greens all over his chest, Cocolo? Maybe you could get him to put on a threadbare tuxedo and do some jazz hands for you. When the already birdlike Cocolo regurgitates more Kool Aid into the guy's mouth it prompts laughter and a frightened look from Cocolo as if the laughter was a genetic warning that he was about to crush her larynx with his huge barbarian hands.

Cocolo recovers and after ignoring his urgings to "suck that muthafuckin' dick" for more than a minute she descends on him like an alligator might descend on a slightly too-large duck. A duck that has learned to swear like a sailor. Perhaps not realizing that he is talking to the equivalent of a gloryhole made out of meat, the black guy keeps giving her X-rated instructions like "spit on that dick" and "spit on that motherfucker" as well as "spit on it!" When the black guy is instructed to perform oral sex on her he asks "can we turn her around into a 69?" and the testy director tells him to "stay just like that." After a cut Cocolo begins to lose her enthusiasm, grimacing repeatedly and generally looking like she is near the point of vomiting. As they move to real intercourse her ill-ease intensifies to pain as she jerks painfully, shouts with pain, and strains the ligaments in her neck as though her head wants to detach and depart to a calmer place.

The sex continues, bumbling and fumbling, with the black guy repeatedly declaring that they momentarily halt lest he unleash his untidy humours upon her womb. After guy spanks Cocolo several times during intercourse the director intervenes, further supercharging the torrid and personal nature of the encounter:

Director: "You can spank her, but make sure you don't leave any marks on her, she's gotta work later on."

Actor: "Oh, okay, alright."

Director: "Yeah, it's getting kind of red."

You can hit Cocolo, just don't bruise her or break any bones because then we would have to vat-grow another bird woman. The missionary position run up to the requisite finale provides a vital clue to the nature of the scene. Obviously apparent on the guy's back is a small perfectly circular scar that can only be the entry wound caused by a 9mm or .22 caliber bullet. I don't want to give in to stereotypes, but I'm guessing that was not the result of a hunting accident. With a triumphant "fuck yeah" the veteran dismounts and empties his mirth into Cocolo's benighted mouth. Does she drool? Survey says…GOOD ANSWER!

Scene 4: "Jamaica Me Crazy"

I'm so happy, cuz today I found my friend, he's in my Jamaican Me Crazy shirt.Finally, proof that there isn't some sort of ordinance in Japan forbidding black men from wearing shirts. In the case of this scene one is even dressed up in a suit! The other guy is wearing a shirt that has "Jamaican Me Crazy" emblazoned on the front along with a Jamaican flag. I wonder if he is from Mexico?

Ai Kurosawa walks into a bar where the Jamaican is drinking, the other black guy is the bartender and he offers Ai a "pussy drink." No, that's not a joke unless you consider twenty minutes of a guy fondling Ai's particularly hairy vagina a punch line. The bartender departs and the Jamaican stands up to try out his favorite pickup line on Ai. In this case it's "can you show me your pussy?" It turns out to be a request that Ai gradually complies with, proof once again that foreigners have it made if they just show a little initiative while on vacation. Because of the giant censor patch you never get a good look at Ai's vagina, but before her panties are discarded like the fragile husk of a cicada you can clearly see thick fronds of pubic hair emerging from her panty line like the legs of a hundred lurking spiders. After a lengthy and enthusiastic journey through the foliage with his tongue the Jamaican is rewarded with a blowjob.

Ai and the Jamaican move with respectable enthusiasm through a series of positions before the final eruption across her tongue. She drools his offering out into her hand and plays with it like a kid turned loose with the finger paints.

Scene 5: "Happy Time"

Ai and Cocolo team up to double the pleasure for a lucky gentleman relaxing on a couch. He doesn't do much other than lay there and provide a color commentary that consists mostly of things like "this is awesome" and "I'm in heaven." I can't say that I really blame him considering he's got two hot Japanese girls, or one anyway, eagerly chuffing on his dong. They both giggle and coo as they take turns gobbling pole like a couple of parakeets overwhelmed by the appearance of a new seed bell in their cage. The lucky guy unburdens himself of his worldly concerns into their waiting mouths and they share his gift as though it were hot caramel on a balmy autumn evening.

Scene 6: "OG Fuck"

Haaaaaaaaauuuuuuuccckkkk. Pa-tooey!I made up titles for all of the other sequences, but the title for this one in the movie was too good to beat. Five black guys gather to combine their powers into some sort of debauched version of Captain Power and shoot a beam of pure big black dick into Ai and Cocolo's waiting orifices. Interestingly, only three of the five guys disrobe while the other two sit on couches in the background providing commentary and encouragement.

The commentator wearing a Tupac-style dew rag is particularly vocal, offering colorful advice such as:

"Wake that dick up. Wake it up. Get it."

"Eat that pussy, nigguh. You like that? You like that? Yea-uh."

"Get it right. Get my niggah right."

"Eat that shit, dog. Oooh, look at that hairy pussy."

The other guy is less verbose but is involved in this blue ribbon winning exchange:

Guy Having Sex: "Look at this, I never seen a Japanese with a pussy this damn deep."

Commentator: "It's deep, nee-yuh, it's deep! Break her in, Wes!"

Despite Cocolo's repeated cries of "I rike that black dick" she looks like she would like anything but that black dick. A pained expression is frozen on her face throughout the entire scene and sweat beads down her cheek like she's fighting her way through childbirth. Even though her participation is more pained it's also more energetic and in response to Cocolo's efforts the black guys judge "that skinny bitch is off the hook." Eventually, the director decides that the girls have had enough and instructs the guys to finish up whenever they're ready. Ai endures a single blast to the kisser while the hardest working girl in Japanese show business Cocolo does double duty.Misty cocoa-colored memories.The Horror: The Horror in "Black Swap" is two-fold. There is the "carnival of grotesquery" aspect in which the big black men and their big black penises are like the bull representing Zeus raping a woman to death in a Roman pageant. This low key and maybe even unintentional racism is evident in US porn as well, specifically porn marketed as "interracial." It will never go away because porn thrives on niches, but at least in the past decade or so it's not surprising to see a regular big-budget porn with an interracial scene thrown in and no "HOT BLACK DICKS IN TINY WHITE CHICKS" text on the box. The more unique horror comes specifically from the scene in which Cocolo drools Kool Aid onto the guy's chest. Much of the pain evidenced in this movie can be forgiven as Japanese porn starlet's unique ways of demonstrating pleasure. This sequence, however, shows a Cocolo genuinely uncomfortable and twitching and thrashing at times in a way that my discerning eye tells me cannot be acting.

The Bottom Line: I think it's interesting that so little interracial porn is marketed to black people. In the bedside drawer of almost ever Klansman is a stack of well-worn videos of black guys giving it to white women. Whether it's self-loathing or some bizarre nightmare world fantasy scenario that makes interracial porn so appealing to racists is a mystery. What I do know is that this sort of "blacks as spectacle" porn is unappealing to me. On the other hand, Ai Kurosawa is extremely hot.