Time Travel Fund, submitted by Drewbert. Thanks to the "magic" of compound interest, this website promises to take your meager dollars and deposit them into a fund that they say they will use to go back in time and get you immediately at or just before your time of death or to have you "rejuvenated" if you die before time travel is perfected. For the low, low price of only ten dollars (!) you can join this fund and secure yourself a slot in the FUTURE! They also answer hard-hitting questions such as, "What about getting into Heaven?" and "What about my deceased dog?"
Current scientific theory states that Time Travel may be possible, however the technology is a long way off, perhaps hundreds of years in the future. Now, assume it does become possible in say, 500 years. As with any technology, Time Travel will get less expensive as time goes on. Just as the price of a VCR has dropped to less than $70 from the several hundred dollars it cost just ten years ago, Time Travel, once it becomes feasible, will initially be very expensive yet it will become more and more economical as time goes by.
And you can even buy a shirt to proclaim to the world that you intend to travel through time! This is indeed a remarkable deal. I am signing up today. Like they say on their user agreement, "Life itself is a crap shoot!" It sure is, guys. It sure is.
Just in case you still have doubts, the site has many links to time travel resources such as this weirdo site, offering tips such as "How and where to build a sixth-dimensional time gate, and how to use it wisely." They also have a link to the Time Travel Institute, a group of crazies dedicated to researching the particulars of traveling through time. I would like to take these people up on their offer and go back in time only to destroy the time travel fund so that no one ever has to see their terrible website. THEN WHAT, HUH SMARTIES!?
In a Something Awful exclusive, we reveal the true state of Darren Wilson after his harrowing encounter with Michael Brown.
gee, sun, thanks for life and warmth and light. you totally did it on purpose and aren't just a stupid exploding deathtrap
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