SMEEK INC. - THE WEEKLY NEWS, submitted by Laura. If today's update didn't jampack enough news into your already tight hole of news storage, this wonderfully hilarious news parody site "Smeek Inc." will undoubtedly do the trick. I was just saying to myself the other day, "you know what? There simply aren't enough wonderfully hilarious news parody sites on the Internet!" and then I began to make that one frowny face which looks like I've got roofing nails in my gums. Luckily alert reader Laura Lana clued me into the existence of Smeek Inc., a site that looks like The Onion, reads like The Onion, steals articles from The Onion, yet somehow manages to be 1/100th as funny as The Onion! How do they do it? Simple: science!!!
Laws of Physics Malfunction Monday
EVERYWHERE—The laws of physics behaved unusually all day Monday. Physics was comparable to 8-year-old on ACID. Researchers from MIT and Princeton have many well-documented cases of exactly what happened.
Professor Unibrow of MIT had this to say: “Monday morning, I was pouring myself some coffee when the cup slipped through my fingers. I lowered myself to pick up the cup to find that my robe had untied and slipped right off my body. I found it to be extremely odd since I tighten it enough to hide my belly so my eating habits do not become an issue with my wife. Anyway, I move my legs forward but do not find myself moving. My feet are slipping below me. I fall to the ground and am moving approximately 1 cm/sec towards the wall and there is absolutely nothing I can do. Finally I reach the wall and push myself off but now I am bouncing from wall to wall sliding along the carpet. My first response is ‘where the hell did friction go?!’ I stop pushing and bouncing around like a pinball and finally come to a stop. Friction was still there but it was considerably less than usual”
Ha ha! See, that's funny because... well... it's funny because it's... uh... funny! Once again we have another site attempting to ride the coattails of The Onion and failing miserably, as they should. The FAQ claims this "incredibly awesome site" is "a comedy site designed to make you laugh," but I really have my doubts about that. Oh wait, I'm looking at some of their quality Photoshop work and I'd like to change my opinion on this issue:
LOL (that is an acronym for "Laughing Out Loud")! That be some great stuff!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.