Official Team Iron Chef HQ, submitted by bc. While I was sitting on the Atlanta runway and praying for God to either help lift my flight into the air or make the oxygen turn into gigantic concrete blocks which would instantly kill me, I remarked to myself, "you know what? There surely aren't enough Dance Dance Revolution teams dedicated to The Iron Chef." When I eventually arrived home, I was overjoyed to see that somebody somewhere had finally taken my advice and started up their own DDR / Iron Chef team, a sharp bunch of youth-gone-right coincidentally named "Team Iron Chef." These folks stand for everything that's good and pure in the world, making the Earth a better place for all mankind and spreading hope as if it were a really weird kind of jam. Oh yeah, they also dance in arcades and talk about the Iron Chef, which is nice.
As is the case with any team or organization that amasses over 10 people there has to be a few rules. Most of you know them already, but for those of you who don't quite know the rules yet, here they are.
1st Commandment: Anyone caught seriously freestyling Dynamite Rave or Waka Laka on Heavy Little (or any difficulty for that matter) will be severely punished by D-Back or a suitable replacement if he is indisposed. NO EXCEPTIONS!
There's also some boring, unreadable crap about the origins of Team Iron Chef and why they don't like an ex-member named "Sketch." As you can expect, it's tremendously exciting.
I woke up and realized that Sketch had corrupted the very thing he created. Something had to be done, and oddly enough, it happened that very same day in the form of a question asked by the girl Sketch was trying to attach himself to at that time:
"What do you think about Sketch, what's your opinion of him, why do you associate with him?"
All I could do was sit there and answer truthfully, after all, this IS supposed to be an honest team. When I was done (as well as my wife and D-Back), needless to say, Sketch was not pleased. In fact, he was so enraged that he tried to break up the team that very same night. Unfortunately for him, the majority of the team wanted to stay. They also saw Sketch for what he was doing, and didn't like it as well. A few people left, whether of their own volition or if Sketch persuaded them, it doesn't matter. They couldn't live by the rules that this team was founded on: Honesty, Loyalty to one another, Friendship, and being non-dramatic. THAT is the core of Team Iron Chef. That is what allows us to stay together, not the T-Shirts, not the nicknames, not even this website. The fact that we can all be friends with one another regardless of whether or not this team exists is why we stay together. But in addition, we all love Dance Dance Revolution. And we all love the competitive nature that make up tournaments. And NOTHING is more fun than seeing yourself or a fellow team member win, and then looking back on that day and saying:
"Yeah, I was a part of that great team! I was there! I helped win it all for them that day! Etc..."
Hence the creation of our team. And hence my mission. I vow that one day, our team will be the best in Arizona, if not the Southwest, if not the West coast, if not the entire nation! That team is this one. We are Team Iron Chef.
Er... okay. I never knew the combination of Japanese arcade dancing and Iron Chef could be so gravely serious. Damn you, Sketch! Damn you to hell / the HAIA!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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