SOFTWARE CONTROLLED RADIONIC ENERGY MAKES IT ALL POSSIBLE!, submitted by Doc. I don't think I'm alone in feeling that magicians these days lack the edge and raw power of "golden age" era spellcasters. I mean, there's that guy who makes people bury him and then he gets unburied a few weeks later, but that's not magic; that's being too stupid to die. We need some classical magicians with the ability to throw fireballs around, curse people, blow shit up, and generally be assholes. I believe this exciting software will make all this and oh so much more come true.
Some people describe this powerful force as good luck, bad luck, fate, coincidence but the science behind the phenomena knows better... SpellKaster modulates Radionic Energy through focused frequency generation. These frequencies cross the boundaries of mind and matter affecting everyone and everything. And when you use SpellKaster , you can focus that powerful energy on anyone - even yourself ! And you'll see the software and Radionic Energy in action for yourself in just minutes from now.
It's like having a Genie in a bottle on your desktop but don't worry you're getting more than just three simple wishes...
Oh boy this sounds just fantastic, I can't wait for my own Genie in a bottle on my desktop in my computer on my floor above my carpet! This is gonna be great, I can't wait to start slinging around spells with the help of my Windows XP-enhanced home computer! "SpellKaster" offers the main seven spells: the patience spell, the love spell, the health spell, the misery spell, the good fortune spell, the retribution spell, and the wealth spell. I'm assuming that the wealth spell is currently broke and needs to be fixed with a patch, because "SpellKaster" costs a retail price of $149.95. Why does this program cost so much? What aspect of its production warranted such a high price tag? I mean, sure, the box looks all nice and professional and everything, but how much effort could've possibly gone into coding a Visual Basic program which spits out a popup box reading "SPELL CAST!!!!" every time you mash the ENTER key? I guess I'll have to wait until they release the intelligence spell.
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.