In these tough economic times, not all of us can afford one of the "big name" presidential hopefuls. Some of us have to settle for the bargain-bin write-ins, the discount generics, the Hydrox of the political world. We here at the ALOD Office are dedicated to showing you some (one) of those candidates, so that you can throw away an educated vote.
I want to introduce you folks to Jeff Boss, who is running for president (though he's apparently only on New Jersey ballots). What's up with Jeff Boss? Well, Jeff Boss saw the NSA do 9/11. I am positive that he believes this, because he writes it roughly 100 times on the front page, in Impact font, so you know he means business.
What's great about Jeff Boss is that he's taken his schizophrenia and really put it to work for him! Jeff Boss isn't just sitting around worrying about the NSA trying to kill him. He's suing the NSA, and he's running for president on the platform that the fucking NSA did goddamn 9/11. Which makes sense, that the NSA can organize the greatest single act of terrorism in American history, but they can't stop some dude from running for president. I mean, they try their best, but clearly they aren't doing a good job, because the powerful political pundits at the ALOD Office picked up on this story.
Alas, the LAMESTREAM media hasn't covered Jeff's campaign. He'll never be Herman Cain, which is a shame because they'd make a great presidential / vice-presidential team. So go out and write-in Jeff Boss (except for you in New Jersey)! And be sure to remember: The NSA apparently did 9/11!
Editor's note: It turns out DFH might have missed Jeff Boss's current and official presidential-campaign site, perhaps because it's deceptively titled (due to NSA sabotage) BossForSenate.com. Click around there, though, and you'll find quick answers about the things he will do for you as president, some of which I've screen-capped below! Note: Don't expect anything to happen when you select a topic. You have to scroll down afterward, and then some text might appear! -- GD
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
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