Alien Implant Removal And Detection Method, submitted by me!. Oh Jesus. I've come across some truly psychotic rants in my time scouring for ALODs, but this takes the cake. What starts off as a sales pitch for a kooky service (removing alien implants from people who think they've been abducted) simply builds momentum and snowballs into an absolute mess which finally cumulates in this grand finale:

One of my greatest pleasures these days is watching "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Why? Because that's pretty much what I do. If you watch that show, you'll notice that not only does she poke those guys with a big wooden stick to kill them, but she often times cuts their heads off, which I do. And outside of the fact that I don't know martial arts, she and I have a lot in common. I know it sounds silly, but this is how I do my work with the reptilians. I kill the bastards. Vampires are akin to the reptilians. Dracula / dracul / dragon / draco -- and even Satan -- yes, they are all reptilians. Do the reptilians kidnap and eat children and drink blood? In my opinion, probably... since they are of reptilian descent and lived on Earth way before we got here.

This page mentions so many people and changes perspective so much that I'm not even sure who's supposed to be writing it in the first place, but I'm sure the author doesn't know either. If you actually read through the entire thing, I will consider you to be in the same echelon as people who have sat in a restaurant and eaten one of those gimmicky 10 pound steaks in one sitting just to win a t-shirt or get their name on a plaque. Enjoy!

– Corin Tucker's Stalker

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.