What's up, welcome to my webpage about ALIENS. I will be updating it as much as I can when I get new info.
First, let me give you peeps the basic rundown on aliens. Most aliens are grey guys with big eyes. They look extremely fucking similar to humans but short, and their two eyes which are in the middle part of the front of their head (they have heads) are big and bug-like. They're naked and fragile and made of meat.
They walk around on the ground with their fucking feet, where they can trip and step on shit. If you stab them with a sharp rock you find on the ground, they will bleed and die because they never thought of that happening to them. In conclusion: Aliens are naked and look like people, but they have big eyes, and aliens can fly faster than light.
Like dogs, there are many different kinds of aliens.
Greys look like giant angry dolphins that don't swim and have huge eyes. Dolphins can emit fucking powerful ultrasonic bursts from their skulls, so it is safe to assume that greys can also do this. Greys are constantly pissed, probably because they're always being seen while abducting people in their dreams. They never say anything unless it's some gay clicking or beeping noises. Their heads are roughly the shape and size of a partially rotted watermelon. Greys smell like burnt sandpaper, and their eyes glow in the fucking dark. They are often said to act like security guards.
These guys obviously look like giant lizards and are basically crocodiles ... ON WEED!!!! Reptilians (AKA: reptoids, Reptons, Lizard-men, and "Homo-saurus" lmao) are 10 feet tall and like to wear street clothes, even though their scales are made of steel. The scales protect them from bullets and most basic kinds of fire. They have a mouth, a nose, two eyes, and a huge penis. Reptilians have no hair on their bodies, and they make excellent swimmers. Reptilians can read your fucking mind, turn invisible, and use holograms to do wild and sneaky shit like rob banks and watch girls in the shower. They can kick an entire football team's ass just by hissing at them.
These guys are commonly known as the most boring of all aliens. Nordics have both dudes and women, and the women's faces are always frowning and shit. The women have the angriest eyebrows, but at least they have huge tits on their bodies. The Nordics have 28 teeth and thick skulls that they use to smash through car windows, because they just don't understand what the fuck they're for. Nordics are like regular people, except their heads have bad haircuts and they can teleport anywhere in the world. If you saw a Nordic lifting weights at the gym or rollerblading, you probably wouldn't even care or think it was crazy.
If you think robots aren't real, guess again. Aliens use robots to do shit for them. Robots make a bunch of crazy computer noises, have all kinds of moving lights on their bodies, and they are indestructible. If you see a robot, it is probably on a mission, like collecting road kill for a spooky experiment that would chill you to the bone. Sometimes robots run really fast, and play crazy fucking guitar solos just because they know they can (robots are assholes). Many books and songs have been dedicated to robots, but they don't know the half of it.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.