Who Can and Cannot Give Money to the Family Values Party, submitted by Griffyn. Insane religious nutball named Tom Wells with an insane religious nutball political party is very straightforward about who he refuses to accept money from. Even if he only accepts money from the people willing to read through this entire gigantic wall of text then he is not going to see a lot of cash coming his way. Pick a couple sentences at random, I promise you that you won't be disappointed.
I have never had any ambitions to be the President of these United States or a member of congress. I really had no ambitions of being anything except a good loving husband and a good and loving father. But at 2:00am December 25th, 1994, I was awaken in my bedroom by a BRIGHT LIGHT. A voice called to me saying, "TOM---TELL MY PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE TO TELL THEIR PUBLIC OFFICIALS THAT THEY ARE PREPARED NOT TO PAY THEIR TAXES UNTIL ABORTION IS NO LONGER PUBLICLY FUNDED."
Well, shucks folks, I think he's onto something, but if that's not enough Family Value for your buck, then order a side of this:
For over 5000 years observant Jews have observed the Holy Sabbath as commanded by OUR BELOVED HEAVENLY FATHER as HE journed with HIS chosen people by day as a "PILLOW OF CLOUD" and by night as a "PILLOW OF FIRE." Tens of millions of innocent children of OUR BELOVED HEAVENLY FATHER are forced to allow themselves to be religiously segragated in public schools simply because of the Christian hatrad of Jews.
Great, Tom Wells, unfortunately I just "passively participated in homosexuality" by receiving gay porn spam in my e-mail box and I can't give you money, but I wish you all the best of luck.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
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