Until last week, I'd never heard of Miranda Cosgrove, being allergic to Jack Black (School of Rock) and older than 11 (Drake and Josh, iCarly). But when an intrepid reader alerted me that her online following was a bit askew, I checked out Miranda-Cosgrove.net. Webmaster David, a 20-year-old English physics student, concludes his mission statement by pining for a Cosgrove interview: "To be able to send the fans' questions to Miranda herself would be a wonderful thing. It may be a wild aim, but there's nothing wrong with striving for the unlikely dream." It's inspiring to see people pursue such edifying life goals as an e-mail interview with a semi-famous kid -- reach for the stars, David! David pays Cosgrove poetic tribute with a sonnet that repeatedly references her "haunting eyes," an odd distinguishing characteristic for a 15-year-old comic actress.
Miranda-Cosgrove.net advertises job openings, because nothing says "viable career opportunity" like an Internet shrine to a relatively obscure teenage starlet. Unlisted, yet available, is David's position, which he resigned last fall in a maudlin farewell missive ("Most of all, I apologise to Miranda. I'll always be your fan and supporter and I'm sorry for not doing you justice.") The now-rudderless site still hosts an active forum, on which creepy Cosgrove enthusiasts fetishize her feet and pose probing questions such as "Is Miranda ticklish and where?"
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.