McDonalds' advertising history involves the following ill-advised gambits:
For its latest stunt, McDonalds revamped its product-placement scheme. They're staging an online contest, with participants interpreting the old "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun" jingle. The winner's song appears in a 30-second ad. So, instead of paying artists to mention the Big Mac, McDonalds has persuaded them not only to tout it for free but also to compete for the "privilege" of providing a billion-dollar corporation with a free commercial. A few professional musicians have entered the fray, such as Christina Milian, who ad-lib coos "I want my Mickey Ds!" and takes a weird seductive pause before "sesame seed bun." The full library also includes an obese country singer named Skeeter Crane, a maddening assortment of self-amused emo geeks, an elderly woman accompanied by a jazz guitarist, and some rappers who probably still think they're getting $5 for their efforts. You're all encouraged to record subversive versions that are rich with smuggled content: The company that approved the "I'd Hit It" ad (and is now using the past-expiration slogan "You So Want One") probably isn't up on its Urban Dictionary entries. The submission deadline is July 6.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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