Here's the new face of the alien conspiracy theory - smiling and helpful! Welcome to reptoids.com, possibly the only Web site in the world where people believe in the existence of intelligent, reptilian humanoids who aren't trying to kill/enslave humans for all eternity. Apparently, these dudes are just really smart guys who are from Antarctica (probably not the best place for cold blooded things, but whatever!) that have decided to completely avoid humans whenever possible. I can't blame them for that; we're kind of dicks and would likely try to kill/enslave them anyway.
It's all so refreshing, from the smiling reptilian dude greeting you on the front page to the complete acceptance of government black ops without the violent power fantasies. This John Rhodes guy (the "researcher/phenomena analyst" behind the site) doesn't seem like he has a bad bone in his body. He's just into hangin' out, talkin' 'bout genius reptile dudes who could threaten our very existence but totally don't. I love it. I wish all conspiracy theories operated like this. Anal probes? Nah, those Greys are really into colon-cleansing, they're just trying to flush the toxins out of your body so you feel better!
It's fun to just click around. Every time you think something's going to get all crazy and the dude is gonna start talking about chips in our palms or whatever, he completely takes you by surprise. Like, oh, he's bringing up Revelations? Must be the end of the world! Oh, wait, no, he's just saying the US should back off on all the wars it has. Fuck yeah. Let's listen to this dude. Not about the reptile aliens, of course, that's absolutely nuts. But about everything else, sure!
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
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