You know what? Fuck human interest stories. If the economic reality of newspaper publishing is getting so grim that you have to start printing articles about the saccharine public-art projects of cutely named art girls whose aesthetic seems to be "glitter on a bright color," then it's time to take off that fedora with the little slip of paper that says PRESS on it and hang it the fuck up. It's not worth it. If that's what it takes to get people to read your goddamn newspaper, then guess what: That's probably the only thing they're reading because your readership is composed of children.
Perhaps I should explain what I'm angry about. It's this site. Basically, a girl named after a kind of tea/flower started putting up posters all over New York looking for a "missing unicorn," and people from all over the city started calling the number provided. According to Camomile, that's because it brings a touch of whimsy to the city of New York, which is really what New York needs, apparently. Anyway, it got a little bit popular, because that's what mundane shit does nowadays, and so she made a Web site to handle the immense amounts of traffic. It's got recordings of the voice mail messages people left, some guestbook entries, images of the posters, information about the gallery where it's now being displayed (oh come ON), and, surprise, surprise! A store. Oh hey, actually, the store is broken right now, which is great and makes me think maybe there is some cosmic justice out there.
There's not a lot to this site, but if you like one big picture of a white horse with a horn Photoshopped onto its head, it's definitely the place to be, because that is the background and it never changes. So head on over, or go out and look for "Missing Unicorn" posters around your city. Maybe they'll cheer you up! Or maybe they'll irritate you to the point where you start to hate the idea of art. If that's the case, you should probably go ahead and join the forums already!
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Today's viral teen news beat, brought to you by Mike from the Internet!
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Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
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