Where do spammers go when they're not spamming message boards and comment sections? WarriorForum, apparently!

WarriorForum is a message board where internet marketers ("IMers") congregate to talk shop about their noble calling: gaming the search-engine system so their low-content crud shows up whenever you Google anything. Apparently, many Warriors just happen to know a guy who makes a million dollars a month from IM. I suspect there's a lot of overlap between those guys and uncles who work at Nintendo.

SEO, or search engine optimization, is all about "making your website easy for both users and search engine robots to understand," as this now-deleted thread helpfully explains (yes, even spammer forums get spammed). "Master Article Marketer" Benjamin Ehinger would like to remind everyone that a true IM warrior doesn't need to resort to tricks and shortcuts to get great SEO as long as they have great content. This is one of his sites, by the way. Content is king!

Harnessing the power of SEO can lead to great fortune, but only if you're able overcome your fear of becoming obscenely wealthy, which is clearly a common and crippling obstacle. Still interested? It's easier than ever to become an IMer! Just check out this subforum, where a bunch of scummy SEO dudes try to unload sites on each other. For a mere 300 bucks, you can be the proud owner of a web site about iguanas. Plus, the seller will throw in all the fake Facebook fans he bought - what a steal!!!


Then there's Verena, whose patented IM techniques have angered gurus. She seems positively giddy about her "Premium Yeast Infection Website," based on her ghoulish boasts about the huge market of sufferers seeking legitimate medical information.

The life of an internet marketer isn't all sunshine and rainbows, though. Sometimes you have to interact with ungrateful customers. A Warrior named rrm kvetches about someone trying to take advantage of his good nature by requesting free consult time, when obviously he should be the one taking advantage by bilking them for $500 an hour.

Other times, you have to deal with ignorant so-called friends insisting that you should get a "real" job. The Warriors' advice? Stop hanging out with jealous haters and get new friends, preferably fellow entrepreneurs. Go ahead and laugh when you're an internet millionaire and your old friends, still stuck in stable 9-5 jobs with steady incomes, come crawling back for advice: You've earned it!

And remember, even if the internet marketing thing doesn't pan out, you can always ca$h in on WarriorForum itself by wringing thousands of dollars out of its gullible userbase!

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.