For reasons I can't quite recall, I downloaded the free survival-horror FPS "Cry of Fear" on Steam. It had such a tremendous impact on my delicate psyche that I had no choice but to do my very first Let's Play with it.
SUMMARY OF THE GAME: I've got no fucking clue. It's a metaphor about being alone and also being a shitty game programmer apparently. You wander around uninteresting places and fight off terrifying monsters such as "old man hanging out in a sewer with a hammer" and "stabby child." All the voice acting was done by either the coder or a person who was paid to sound like an idiot. This game is supposedly "scary," and there are plenty of YouTube videos featuring grown men pathetically screaming and hyperventilating about it, so I'm probably playing it wrong or something.
NOTE ABOUT THE FIRST VIDEO: My USB mic was terrible (I replaced it the next day) and this was my first time doing one of these (I had to compress the video like 4 times for various inane reasons), so the quality won't be confused with the type of Hollywood production that does boffo box office. But more than technical issues, I blame these problems on all the crying I was doing. From fear.
PART 1: Attack of the subterranean, hammer-wielding grandfathers
PART 2: Welcome to your (Garbage Pail Kids)... of DOOM!
PART 3: Wander the boring-ass, stupid hallways... of HORROR... of DOOM!!!
The suspense is probably killing you at this point. To ensure that you die not from suspense but instead from fright, subscribe here and follow the "Cry of Fear" saga to its harrowing conclusion!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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