Overview: A renegade vigilante cop and his ginger ponytail go on a murdering spree after his prostitute sister is beaten to death by a disturbingly moist Englishman with a snuff fetish.
Directed By: Addison Randall, 1989
The Case For: If you've seen the Lethal Weapon 5 video from Always Sunny, this movie is basically identical to that, except it's not a parody and it's not funny. Wait, this is pretty negative for a "case for". How about the best IMDB quote we've ever seen?
The Case Against: Makes Hobo With a Shotgun look like the director's cut of The Departed. Nobody actually picks up a shotgun until a solid hour in, and even then our eponymous hero just uses it to blast people in the ass with rock salt.
Nothing is sacred for those with power
Destroying the lives of those they devour
[They throw their hands up?]
Overlooking the law
As if they exist without a [???]
You better watch out for being busted
'Cause the SHOTgun of Jones
...It's deadly justice
Bright lights in the night
Brings out the shadyness
But the darkness in the night
Brings out the emptiness
You'd better watch out for being busted, baby
Cause the SHOTgun of Jones
...It's deadly justice
Trillaphon: Holy shit, those are the best goddamn lyrics that I could even imagine for a cop movie theme. Please tell me more about this Firearms Jackson fellow and his incredible gunblasty adventures in law enforcement land.
Hydrogen: He's a cop living on the ragged edge, until the department fires him and he becomes a bounty hunter, which means he gets to do exactly the same job but with less oversight and more unsanctioned brutality.
Trillaphon: He doesn't need the department, he just needs them to overlook his numerous unjustifiable multiple homicides. Is that so much to ask?
Hydrogen: I never realized before watching Shotgun that being a real life bounty hunter could be like the cool Boba Fett kind of bounty hunting where you get to murder anybody you want for looking at you funny, instead of the lame fat Hawaiian people praying a lot into Radio Shack CB radio kind.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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