The Crazy Eights were feeling generous this week, doling out rave reviews to all but one of the new releases. Craig "wildthing69" Spikowski confesses just how deeply Where the Wild Things Are affected him (and anyone who happens into the men's room of the Regal 16, apparently), Josh "ClydeUmney" Mauthe geeks out over Paranormal Activity, Ian "ProfessorClumsy" Maddison delights in the whimsy of The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus and last but not least (except in terms of movie quality), Robert "BulletRiddled" Lee addresses Law Abiding Citizen, a film in which someone is stabbed with a steak -- not a steak knife, but the whole fucking steak.
|Craig "wildthing69" Spikowski (left) poses with a fan before assuming gloryhole duties in the Regal 16 bathroom. Parents beware: The furries are out in full force for October.|
Wild Things, I think I love you...
by Craig "wildthing69" Spikowski
Spike Jonze has a wild imagination, as evident in his previous body of work, so with the reins to a classic children's story in his hands, he should be able to take us on quite an adventure. Hopefully, Jonze can bring back the child in me, the one who read this story while sitting in the arms of his father before falling asleep.
Ever since my father read me Where the Wild Things Are, I've felt the call of the wild. Once I discovered others like me on the Internet were eagerly anticipating this film, I felt inspired to show my true self to the world. I arrived at the theater in full regalia for the adults-only midnight show. I could tell from the attention I received that everyone was as excited as I was to see this film. The theater manager who saw me enter said he was thinking of calling the police, but I told him that no security was necessary. I have the heart of a lion, and I can fend off any admirers. As the projector flickered on, the man behind me said he couldn't see. I told him that if he wanted, I could wait and take a picture with him after the film when he could really see my outfit, or he could stop by the men's room on the way out, where he could see so much more. But that's neither here nor there...
With this achievement, only his second major film, Spike Jonze has created an experience we can all identify with, not only an indie-music-accompanied howl of a good time, but also an operatic romance that spans the ages. If one thing disappointed me about the book, it was its brevity. Jonze and his co-writer, Dave Eggers, have expanded those glorious, dizzying nine sentences into 90 minutes of sheer pleasure, of which I only lasted 30. Sorry, but once those beautiful anthros took the screen, it was all I could do to keep from yiffing with the guy next to me (who apparently doesn't understand our culture since he showed up in a Sonic the Hedgehog costume; sorry dude, but that falls under cosplay and you're no longer invited to the petting zoo).
The adorable, squeezable, kissable Wild Things all had their own quirks and their own personalities, but it was the two lovebirds that stood out. There was Carol -- a passionate and domineering wild thing, who uses his great muscles to hammer his point through (there's one thing this writer would like him to hammer... HINT: MY ASS!!!) Then, there was the object of his affection, KW -- a beautiful monster hiding her burning desire to be held in Carol's big strong arms once again. These two were the ones who captured the hearts of America with their wayward gazes and batting eyes. One could hardly wait for Rule 34 to come true!
Speaking of sexy beasts... boy, do these animals look delicious on celluloid. These days, blockbuster films generally feature actors speaking to thin air, later occupied by a completely computer-generated creature, which never really fits right. We can always tell nothing was there for the shooting. Jonze has found the solution: By using actors in costume during the shoot and animating their faces digitally in post-production, he brings the wild things to life in highly realistic fashion. We can practically smell their hot furry hides!
This tale is backed by primal and child-like music. Jonze displays his music video credentials here, using the soundtrack at key points to accentuate powerful moments, like when the monsters run free through the woods or thrash with each other in a flirtatious mud fight. He does this without distracting the audience, adding chords, yells and hollers just when the moment is right. I added my own yells and groans, periodically, as I had a few "powerful moments" of my own inside my animal costume.
However, the scene that will stand the test of time came early in the film (much like me!), when all of the animals gave in to their wanton desires and formed the pile. Gender boundaries ended, tail became intertwined with fur, and they all became one. Drops of tears trickled from my eyes, just as drops of another kind trickled from my own wild thing. Here, Jonze was expressing the innermost desires of the wild things in all of us, to be who we truly are and to express the animals that we all yearn to be if only society would allow it.
This film is about acceptance for who you truly are and about identifying the spirit inside you and letting it out for all to see. I howled as the credits ran, and while no one else joined in, and many people saw fit to throw their concessions in my direction (they were probably upset they didn't have such a rockin' costume!), I knew I was home. They say "There's a wild thing inside all of us." I certainly hope so, and I certainly hope it's Carol's.
P.S. M4M LF Yiffing good time in Regal 16, stall 3, every night from now through the end of October.
RATING (OUT OF 5):
This libtard terminator keeps asking for guns that don't exist and I may have to close early out of frustration.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
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