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Monday, April 25, 2005 Update by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons

Today I offered our readers a second installment of my "Movies From Memory" series. The first time around I did "Blade" and this time I covered The Matrix. If this time is anything like last time I can expect tons of emails pointing out parts I missed in the movie or things I got wrong, entirely missing the point that it wasn't supposed to be accurate. I added in the "Tron" reference at the end in the hopes that people would get the idea that it wasn't supposed to be a by-the-book retelling of the story.

Last time I talked movies, this time I'm talking games. Deal with it, lady.

I have been playing the shit out of Hearts of Iron 2 and hope to someday soon realize my fantasy of leading Nazi Germany to victory over the Bolshevik aggressors of the East. I can beat the Reds, don't get me wrong, but achieving a total conquest seems nearly impossible even if I start my invasion in late 1939. Damn ye, Stalin!

Hey, who love Sims expansions? *Raises paw*

I recently picked up the University Expansion for The Sims 2. I felt like I needed to get my surfboard out and catch the tidal wave of assembly line expansions that EA is about to unleash on Best Buy shelves. Compared to expansions for the first Sims game it's pretty impressive. Compared to thirty dollars in my wallet it's almost as big a disappointment as the time I bought those five kilograms of what turned out to be baking soda from a Russian. Can't those losers make an M-rated expansion for the sadists like me out there who just want to torture, maim, and murder our babbling wards?

Speaking of designers who never disappoint, you can add Peter Molyneux to that short list. Fable does everything he promised and more! There was just that one press release about being able to get haircuts and kick chickens right? I hope so, because that's all I see in this amazing piece of shit. Watch as your character grows up and gains a reputation while living his life inside a ravine!

Remind me to spit on Warren Spector the next time I see him because Deus Ex 2 was hot garbage. I'd buy five more Sims expansions before I'd but another Deus Ex game.

I had a chance recently to spend a day playing the Nintendo DS, which is roughly 18 hours longer than the amount of fun you can get out of the existing lineup of titles. I kid! The Nintendo DS is a revolutionary piece of hardware with all new revolutionary ways for a Nintendo controller to cramp my fingers. Coming soon is the Nintendo Typewriter: it's a pencil! Do you get that awesome joke I just made there? No? Go write an eight page article with a pencil and then you'll be laughing.

Anybody remember Duke Nukem Forever? Nah, me neither, but somehow Prey has gone back into development. I hope it will work on my Voodoo 2.

Lucasarts has recently released some screenshots of the new Star Wars real time strategy game. Let's just hope it can live up to the legacy of Star Wars: Force Commander or as I like to call it: The Only Game CD I Ever Snapped in Half in Anger.

Before I go I've got a quick public service announcement: if you did not play Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War then you are legally retarded.

Adios, suckers!

- Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons