Ask Emily!

I want to know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm a Junior in high school now, and I don't think I'm fucked up or I'm ugly or anything, yet no girls have ever seemed to like me. I get along with girls fine, not a ton of trouble talking to them. My latest trouble happened last week when I told this girl who sits at our (friends, and everyone, etc.) lunch table that I like her. That was right before Thanskgiving break, fast forward to today and she's avoiding me. I was supposed to be giving her rides home after school, but I asked her about it today, she said no, I said k, I went home feeling like shit. I just cannot think of what's wrong with me, why people cannot relate to me or find something in me. I know it's kind of naive at 16 to wonder if you're going to be alone forever, but looking at my track record and my current status I think it's a viable question. This year I've tried not to retreat into my familiar shell of self-loathing and angst, and it's worked well. I've been more outgoing, outspoken, felt more free about the things I like. I've come to terms with my liking for chick flicks, and music like Jewel and Alanis Morisette. I'm not gay, I know that much. I have a few friends that are girls that I get along great with, but none of them have ever expressed any interest in me as anything more, but after my recent experience, I'm afraid to express interest in any more people for fear that they'll run away from me or abandon me. Being avoided sucks, and it's just a completely new and puzzling feeling. I'm afraid I'll be alone forever, unless I find a weird girl who is super outgoing and does all the hard work like asking me out instead of me asking her out. I try not to worry about things like this, but now that I have a car, a job, damn good grades, it's the one last piece of my life I'd like to get in order. Any serious advice at all would be appreciated, thanky.

-Anonymous

Poor Anonymous,

It sounds like you are in quite an odd situation with girls but that you generally have your life under control. Before you argue with me and say, "No, I'm fucked up!" listen to what I have to say. YOU ARE 16. Let me repeat that just in case you missed it.

YOU ARE 16.

At 16, everyone is fucked up. Absolutely everyone, I am telling you. This includes the girls that you are pursuing with your oh-so-suave moves at the school lunch table. No one knows what they want at that age, and if they say they do they are even more fucked in the head. You sound as though you know what interests you and what makes you happy, and even if those things are things that stereotypical males might not be interested in, you still have a leg up on all of the competition because you have your act together. The job and the good grades help with this as well. The problem at this point in your life isn't you; it's the girls that you are trying to get with. They are without fail immature and confused and they need time to sort out what is important to them and what their priorities and goals are in their lives. I am not saying this to make you feel better. If you were a pathetic loser I would tell you that. I am saying this because girls at 16 are as close to insane as you will ever find outside of a nuthouse.

One of the problems you may be encountering is that you do like things that most people consider to be feminine-associated. I am not saying that it is "wrong" for you to like them, although Jewel and Alanis Morisette both seriously suck balls, man. I am saying that perhaps at this time in the lives of 16 year-old girls, when they are trying to get their feelings straightened out about how they feel around men and what types of boys they want to be with, these likes of yours put you into the "friends" category faster than you can blink, buddy. There is, as I said, nothing wrong with liking these things (except for the fact that they really suck) and you should never change yourself for other people, but I fear that until the girls around you mature and grow as people themselves they will continue to see you as a friend rather than as a potential mate. Sorry, but you might have to wait until college before you find a girl who will like you for you.

As for the one girl that you professed your love to, she's not interested. I think you've found this out by this point. I think that it would do you good to get over her as fast as you can and work on getting things back on a friendship track with her, if that's what you want. In any case, don't press the issue with her. But don't feel bad if she avoids you for awhile because I'm sure that that girl is pretty confused about what she wants. Dumb, immature girls can't think of a better way to send the "not interested" message and they are completely awkward in the situation of having to tell someone (in this case, you) that they don't want a relationship. In any case, don't get all discouraged about it, because like I said it isn't your fault. You have to feel good about yourself as a person and be happy about your life and your choices. The right girl will eventually come along, I promise.