I am happy to report that I am coming back to SA on a fill-in basis. I hope to transition back into semi-regular work soon, but that's up to Lowtax and also kind of hinges on what happens with jobs and such in the next couple weeks. Whether or not you are happy about that is up to you to decide. If you are a member of the SA Forums you'd damn well better be glad I am or you might just find me in a shitty mood one day and all of a sudden you will be banned. My second favorite thing to do behind Vlog Trolling (or Vrolling) is unfairly banning people on a whim for making even the smallest criticisms about me. Just a heads up. Well, really I have to whine to an administrator to ban people for me since Lowtax hasn't given me access to an admin panel yet (I know, I'm as confused as you are), but c'est la vie I guess.
Just to turn this into even more masturbatory crap let me tell you what I was really up to in my time off! After a bunch of my family members died in a freak getting old accident I finished up my degree. This means I essentially have no defense when my parents ask me what I plan on doing with my life besides "writing for that Web site." I am also getting married soon! Despite the hunchback and wooden eye with a knife half stuck out of it she is a very nice girl. I hope nobody spoils the surprise but I have a very special wedding gift for her (I am getting my back waxed before we go on our honeymoon).
Guess what? Not only am I totally happy with how this article came out, I'm not even going to beg for emails about it! How sweet is that? It was fun to make and write and I hope to do another one soon, since I've got a bunch more videos I'd like to make. Then you can stare at my bloated head for another half-hour and smile to yourself that at least you're better off than one person. If I ever need to do that I watch documentaries on India!
On a side note I would like to at least explain the terrible video/sound quality in a few of the vlogs. I started out doing this because of the contest so I did exactly what the update did and spent like $10 on some crap webcam at Wal-Mart. A few weeks later my computer shit out on me so I ended up joining the Legion of Mac Fags by buying a 24" iMac. I love the computer and the camera is (obviously) of much higher quality. This means that you don't get to see the underside of my chin when you watch my videos from here on out. If that doesn't sound like a huge bonus to you you're pretty goddamn spoiled.
I appreciate my three regular readers shooting me emails and asking about Pregame Wrapup. To answer your questions: Yes, I am gay. To answer the other question: I will try to get one out shortly after the NBA draft depending on what content holes need filled/what kind of time I am looking at. Since I have already bitched about this all over the forums let me include one more LiveJournal update and say that getting in wrecks fucking sucks and if it weren't for a bunch of kind doctors with happy Lortab pills I would likely not even have written this. My head pretty much feels like it's been taken off my body at this point. On that note:
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Youtube user HolkHogan420 has been systematically exposing all of the Illuminati's plans.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!