In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war, but about 40,000 years before that things weren't looking all that cheery either. Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, the offspring of Warhammer Fantasy Battle, was being all grim and dark millenia before space marines strapped skulls onto their shoulder pads. If anything, the 1986 fantasy roleplaying game took the artwork to even greater depths of murky, sinister skull-fright, producing some low-budget artwork that could be bad or genuinely weird and creepy. Steve and Zack tour a few of their favorites from the Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay and Mordheim product line.
Zack: "Honey, have you seen my huge cloak? No, the other one, the one with the checkered flags on it. The three skulls, not the four."
Steve: "Yep, got to go stand on the bone pile screaming and swinging around my scythe. Another day closer to paying off the mortgage."
Zack: "I just hope it is not windy today. The hood is like a fucking windsock on this thing."
Steve: "Oh dang it that bat is back again. GET OUT OF HERE! Go away!"Zack: You never really think about shoes on the grim reaper, but this guy has them. That must be a real problem. Your foot has to be tiny without any meat on it. Pretty much everything would just fall right off.
Steve: He's probably wearing toddler shoes.
Zack: That's going to downgrade the intimidation factor a lot and this guy seems obsessed with image.
Steve: Put a skull on it.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.