Best New Age Album
Jim Brickman, Faith
David Darling, Prayer for Compassion
Henta, Laserium for the Soul
Peter Kater, Dominic Miller, Kenny Loggins and Jaques Morelenbaum, In A Dream
Kitaro, Impressions of the West Lake
GD: "My name is Henta, and there is a peacock plunging into my cleavage. Now enter my 'Laserium of the Soul.'"
DFH: I guess it'll be another ten years until shit like Explosions in the Sky gets nominated as New Age.
GD: Sooner "new age" than "rock instrumental." Until Jeff Beck and Steve Vai die, there's no room for Mono and Nadja.
DFH: Godspeed You! Academy Nominators.
Plus, I know the Grammys are a little behind and everything, but even those dudes can tell those bands don't rock.
Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals
Daryl Hall & John Oates, "Sara Smile"
The Black Eyed Peas, "I Gotta Feeling"
Bon Jovi, "We Weren't Born to Follow"
The Fray, "Never Say Never'"
DFH: As I'm sure you all know, John and I have been nominated for our third Grammy award for our hit (#4 in 1976!) "Sara Smile." Now, some people might think we're facing some pretty stiff competition, not having had a top ten album in 25 years, but I'll tell you what, man, I'm not worried at all. I mean, I'm half of the greatest-selling duo of all time, and look at what I'm up against. First of all, goddamn Bon Jovi? Also, Black Eyed Peas? What the hell is with that music video? Bright flashes in a dark room? Haven't seen that before.
And speaking of ripping off our shit, I wonder if The Fray actually think they can beat "Sara Smile" with their little shitty piano-and-strings ballad. It's like they've never heard "One on One" before. Now there's a piano ballad done right. And I can actually sing, so that definitely helps. Not like that croaky whiny bullshit this guy does.
Finally, we get to MGMT. Two singers, synths, and a drum machine beat. It's like we're going up against our own tonedeaf children. Thankfully, I have no problem beating my own children, in every respect, so when we win (and we will win), I'll be sure to congratulate them on being nominated and imply that maybe, when John and I start to get older and our voices aren't quite as strong as they used to be, they might beat us. Between you and me, though, I wouldn't count on it.
Anyway, I just wanted to say a few words about this honor from the academy. Of course, I won't be there, I'll be out doing real shit, but maybe John will show up. I hear he's got a new mustache now.
Daryl "Fucking" Hall just formed a new band, called Cracking Tim. They're a Hawaiian band, with packaging made entirely from volcanic ash. They're a sure thing for a 2011 nomination!
Can you figure out which clickbait headlines are a gross parody of journalism itself, and which are fake?
Forget Target or Best Buy, if you want deals this Black Friday you can't do better than smoking massive, mind-melting quantities of DMT.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.