Tom Ridge promises just a lil' wee itsy-bitsy waste.Since its inception in 2001, the Department of Homeland Security has developed a reputation as one of the government's most notorious spendthrifts. Each year it hands out almost a billion dollars in grant money to state and local law enforcement agencies to bolster their departments and help prepare them for terrorist attacks. Each year, despite efforts to clamp down on waste, DHS churns out another list of idiotic expenditures.
There are so many examples of waste coming out of the Department of Homeland Security it's hard to comprehend. Instead of focusing on one specific incident, or focusing on the problem in general, it works better to give you a taste of the litany of waste from the DHS.
The war on Christmas - $560,000 for North Pole, Alaska to purchase rescue and communications equipment to protect the North Pole's 1,700 inhabitants from terror attacks.
It's not a bomb, it's an illusion - $18,000 to Santa Clara, California so the bomb squad could buy Segways.
If you pay for it, they won't come - $98,000 on counter-terrorism training courses in Lenawee County, Michigan. No one attended them.
The horses were making them jealous - $68,000 for 2,000 pairs of dog shoes. Apparently the dogs did not like them as they were never used.
At least it wasn't a submarine - $59,600 so that Marion County, Indiana could buy a six-man rescue hovercraft. Presumably, terrorists plan to assault Indianapolis in very shallow water.
Alright, everybody chip in 10 bucks - $50,000 for a state-of-the-art mobile emergency command center in Douglas, Wyoming, population 5,288.
Bin Laden is a pedophile - $102,000 was spent to advertise and market the child pornography tip line. Might come in handy if a kiddy-toucher decides to truck bomb a Montessori.
Kool-Aid Man, eat your heart out! - $58,000 for a concrete-boring rescue vehicle in Colchester, Vermont, population 18,000.
We have this anthrax, death to Grand Forks - $1.3 million dollars for WMD response trailers, an armored vehicle, and decontamination tents for the terror flashpoint of Grand Forks County, North Dakota.
The Department of Homeland security hands out hundreds of these grants each year and each year hundreds of clever law enforcement officials squander them. Since 2001, the Department of Homeland Security has dumped over 100 billion into various contracts, and over 5 billion into assistance grants for law enforcement and emergency services.
Total Waste: $6+ billion
Better Spent On:
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.