Overview: The great nation of Peru lets some unscrupulous idiot talk them into hosting a hot new sci-fi movie shoot, slowly realizes that the movie they signed up for involves David Carradine in a mashup of Blade Runner, Bonnie and Clyde and a dash of 1984, and then kicks everybody out and disowns the production. Don't you love a happy ending?
Directed By: Luis Liosa, 1989
The Case For: By the time David Carradine is finished double-triple-double crossing the protagonists, the bad guys, and himself, you won't have any idea what the neon-backlit fuck is going on. That wouldn't normally be a "case for", but the rules don't apply in...the Crime Zone.
The Case Against: The main character is called "Bone" and he's a member of a gang called The Fuckups with his right-hand cyberpunk bro Creon. That would be a terrible start even for a shitty Wayans-riddled parody action movie, but Crime Zone is 100% Stallone-faced serious, even in the scenes with zero-gravity flaming bar darts and official government penis inspectors.
"David Carradine will return in...Every Which Way But Dignity..."
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He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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