Overview: In the grim distant future, Cher 2.0 and Z, the evil overlord of some abandoned warehouse, pit their armies of Mutant Cyborgs against each other in a struggle for abandoned warehouse supremacy. Unfortunately Cher 2.0 and Z forgot to tell any of their cyborgs the plan, so they mostly wander the streets of New Old New York, mugging people and sort of roughing them up a little, possibly to spread their cyber-religion. Borg's Witnesses: have you heard the good news? Resistance is futile.
Directed By: Tim Kincaid, 1987
The Case For: Contains the phrase "space shuttle sex murders", which is probably the best combination of four words we've ever heard or will ever hear. Of course, said titillating orbital homicides have nothing to do with anything and are never mentioned again, but hey, you can't have everything.
The Case Against: Pretty much any scene, character, line of dialogue, or facial expression is an iron-clad case for chucking all of the remaining copies of Mutant Hunt and anybody involved in its production into that big flaming pit in Turkmenistan.
Congratulations on your purchase of the Delta-7 Mutant Human Disposal Cyborg! We here at the OmniGlobo-TechnoCorpoDyne Conglomerate would like to welcome you to our extended family of paying customers to whom we are in no way legally liable for grievous bodily or monetary injury. Please take a moment to register your mutant cyborg by entering the serial number into your X-44 Tracking Wrist Implant. Unregistered Delta-7 units are not covered by warranty protection and will scream a courtesy registration reminder every 14 seconds for your convenience.
In order to power on your Delta-7 Mutant Human Disposal Cyborg for the first time, briskly strike it across the face with an open palm until it appears to "come alive." A vigorous head-jerking motion and swift, brutal retaliatory pimp slap indicate that the unit is functioning properly.
If your Delta-7 instead falls to the ground in a frozen Nicolas Cage death mask impression, turn to Appendix C-1 for troubleshooting steps.
Please note that attempting to use your frozen Delta-7 to recreate the classic Nicolas Cage movie Weekend at Bernie's 3: Death Drives Angry is a violation of the 2064 Copyright Syndicate Pact and will trigger an immediate plasma drone strike on your location, as well as a DMCA infringement notice.
I have raised over $300 participating in quilting bees for the American Quilting Bee Society so I think I deserve at least seven minutes of your time.
Ernest Cline, writer of Ready Player One, shares his newest poem.
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